T,

What happened to you and I? Are we ever going to be solid? What happened those nights, what did they mean to you? I really hope you write that letter, because I’m starting to feel used. I understand you have a new found religion, and I’m just a negative influence in your life.. but if you want me in your life, you are going to have to explain to me how you are feeling too.

I know you said that you can do without me in your life, and it hurt me very much. Not to the point that I don’t want to be your friend, but just enough that I don’t like you very much anymore. Honestly, I don’t believe you. Maybe I’m just arrogant, but I don’t believe that you wouldn’t miss me. Damn you can be so cold hearted sometimes, you know that? Maybe I shouldn’t have even asked you to begin with. My curiosity gets me in trouble a lot.

I must admit that I did enjoy every moment of cuddling with you. Making out with you was amazing. I do feel shame when I admit it, of course. I hurt D very much, very deeply. He didn’t deserve it, at all. I wonder if you did truly care about his feelings, because now you could care less about him. Which makes me sad. D will stand by me even when you wont, so I guess that shows who really cares. You will never comprehend his love for me.

I wonder if I only feel lust for you. I didn’t feel like that when I was lying there with you, feeling you laugh and laughing with you. I’ve never felt like that with any “friend” I’ve ever had. It was truly beautiful… something I’ve never had. Something I will never have again. And that makes me sad. But, like I said, I got to do it and that’s all that matters. I got to experience it, and I am satisfied. I only wish you would stop treating me different.

NO I’m not going to be with you and B, hell no. I’m not going to be your “magickal swan lady”. Fucking pricks.