I have been debating to write this letter, but something in my heart keeps telling me that I have to. So instead of writing this on paper and hiding it under my pillow where you will find it, I am writing it here until I get the courage to give it to you.
We have been together almost 4 years now but I can’t help to think back to us over the past year and I am filled with mixed emotions, love, hurt, anger and confusion. We have had a roller coaster ride in our relationship and there is a big part of me that wants to end it, but another part of me that doesn’t.
I can’t stop the love I feel for you and I wish I could. You took me from a very bad place when we met and it allowed me to move on and I thank you for that and I will forever be grateful. I became a stronger person because of your help, but as strong as I had become, I feel you also knocked me back down and I know there is a reason for all of this. It will make me a stronger person once again, I truly believe this, even though I hurt like hell.
I do think about you all the time. I wonder why it has to be this way. I wonder why I feel the way I do. I question how we can do the things we do and say the things we say to each other. I miss so much about us, our passion, our love, our laughter and your smile. Was it all true though? Please know one thing, my mood and my distance towards you is the protection I need to keep my sanity. I feel shattered, but I need to be happy.
I wish I could see into the future to see what paths our lives would take, but I can’t. SO for now I have to walk the path without you.
I am a beautiful and strong woman. I deserve to be appreciated, loved, cherished and never betrayed. Guess time will tell if I will ever get this in my life.
I want you to know I do love you and always will. You did touch my heart and my life. We have shared our hopes, dreams and future. I love you and want to be with you, I want so much for us to have the best life together, I just wish I was a part of it.
If only you knew how your mental absence has affected me, you wouldn’t toss me aside like you have. To have given me so much, made so many promises, you wouldn’t have never let me down. You have decided my fate by coming into my life and giving me something wonderful and letting me believe is us, only to take it all away. You tell me you hate letting me down… but if you did, why do you constantly let it happen again and again?
We live together but rarely spend any time together. What has gone wrong? Do you want me to be your future? Will you give this relationship the attention it so desperately deserves? How can this relationship survive if no one works on it? I only ever feel close to you when we make love, and that part of us is suffering too. I’m not sure I can go on anymore with the way things have been. I will let you go if I have to.
My joy, peace and happiness are slipping away. You blame other people for your feelings and never take responsibility for anything. My heart is broken and it has destroyed and motivation I have ever had. I need to let go of the hurt and pain, let go of the past. Let go of any wrongs and all the negativity. I am a good person, I have just lost who I am. I was once an honest, happy, loving, generous, truthful and kind person. Somewhere down the line I became a hateful monster.
I have lost the meaning of love. Love is probably the most amazing thing in the world, love is everything. It’s the closest thing to magic that we have. A soul mate is supposed to be someone who loves you and someone who brings out the best in you.
I hate my life, but yet I feel I don’t know what life is. I have not seen enough of life. I hate my life because it’s too small and doesn’t fit me.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I think it’s too late for us. I have been waiting so long for you to become you again, and for me to become me.
Something inside us has died.

Love,
R