Fuck. I love you so much. I am proud to call you my best friend. You are nothing short of the the most amazing person I have ever met.

But why did I have to go and fall in love with you? Everything was fine until my feelings just decided to explode. I knew I had some feelings for you in the beginning of our friendship, but I thought maybe they would pass and everything would be normal again. But they didn’t pass. They kept growing and growing, but I couldn’t tell you how I felt. You were, and still are, out of my league.

The women I’ve seen you date could have all been models for Victoria’s Secret. I can’t compare to that. All of your other friends are the most nonchalant group of people I’ve ever met. I’m definitely not that cool. In other words, I don’t know why you kept me around, but i’m sure glad you did. Knowing I’m one of the few people you go to for anything and everything gives me some peace.

I know you feel alone in the world and I would give anything to change that. I would time travel to before we had significant others and tell you exactly how I felt in that moment. We could have been together all this time, making each other happy.

Ever since you moved away, it feels like you left to a whole different universe. I keep going back to the beginning in my mind, what if I had told you how I felt, what if I hadn’t started dating my boyfriend, or you hadn’t begun dating your girlfriend.

What ifs…

Fuck What ifs!

I want to go back to the times when we sat and chatted for hours about nothing. I want to go back to the times when you made me laugh so hard I cried for hours and when I made you laugh so hard you couldn’t do anything but run out of air and try to breathe so all you could do was make this face with a huge, open-mouth grin… It was so cute. I wanna go back to the time where the hugs I gave you were second to none.

This is why I can’t move in with you. I want to, but I love you too much Zachary. I just love you too much. We’d both be better off if we just let things be.