Dear Lucas,

Not only did you break my heart, but you stomped on it until it shattered into thousands of little pieces beyond repair. You have caused me so much stress and anxiety that I lost my appetite and everything I tried to eat made me feel like throwing up. I spent days in tears over you. Nights have been spent alone. You know what hurt me the most when you broke up with me? When you told me that you hope I find someone who cares about me/likes me as much as you care about/like her. YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME 3 WEEKS AGO! HOW IS THAT EVEN FAIR?! How can you say imply that you like her more than you like me, when you barely know her, and you supposedly love me? I honestly don’t understand.

I always believed that I would fall in love once in my life. I believed that I would only tell one person that I loved them, and that person would be the person I marry. When I told you I loved you, all of these things went through my mind. I said it with the intentions of you being the only person I would ever say it to. Now that we’re done I feel like I’ve had that stolen from me. Things are different now. I’m confused about everything.

Everyone thinks that I should be mad at you and that I should hate you, but honestly, I can’t. I had to forgive you. In my mind there was no other option. Also, I could never hate you. I meant it when I told you I loved you. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. Love doesn’t hate. “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13). I believe all of these things to be true. I believed them when I told you I loved you.

At first I thought that maybe I just missed having you around as my boyfriend because I was lonely, but I’ve come to the realization that there is no other guy that could fill this space. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss your goofy smile. I miss when you would sing to me. I miss mindlessly watching “Fresh Prince”. I miss you making me laugh. I miss trying with everything inside of me not to smile when I was pretending to be mad. I miss arguing with you about kissing at red lights. I miss our stupid fights that were completely forgotten the next day. I miss the nights when we would just cuddle in silence and I would listen to your heart beat. I miss trying to prove who had the strongest willpower. I miss how stoked you would get when I would kiss you in public and you’d cheer as if the Pats won the Superbowl. I guess I’m just trying to say that I miss everything about you.

I could never hate you like everyone believes I should because hate is impossible when you love someone. Hate and love just don’t work together. Lucas, I love you. I just want to be with you. Maybe things ended because you need to figure things out. I’m willing to wait as long as you need. I believe that we’re meant to be together. I can’t picture anyone else as my husband. I see my future and you’re the only one I see fitting in my life. We’re so different yet the same. You don’t believe I can make it in a small town, but trust me, if it was for you I would live in Tilt Cove where the town only has 5 people. Love conquers all. I believe God placed you in my life. I believe God placed this love in my heart for a reason. We’re meant to be together. It may take you a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years to figure it out, but I hope that you do. There’s no one else that I would like to spend my life with other than you.

I love you.