I think we should stop being friends, it pains me greatly to even think this, but as of late I can’t find the strength to keep forgiving and forgetting the pain you’ve put me through. Quite honestly, I never forgot. You see that’s the problem I never forget, I pretend to and you’ve never been able to notice. Lately, I’ve started to resent you for a lot of things. For leading me on, for fooling around(while you have a gf), for not having the courage to confront me about the shitty things you’ve pulled off. Astonishingly, I seemed to be able to put that in the past because I cared. I loved the way you looked at me, every once in a while I could almost see the sparkle in your eye when you looked at me. It made me feel pretty, more than usual. You appreciated the little things I did when no one else would. Even my boyfriends at the time, it was you that noticed everything. I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised, we’ve been friends for such a long time. We’ve spend days just giggling at stupid things, getting high so we could feel some more. It always seemed so innocent. Then you started to change, you got closer. At first it was difficult for me. I’m so guarded and cynical, I didn’t want you to know how vulnerable I am. But you tried, you really did. This is what makes it so hard. Its so hard to see you with her, when you treat me the way you do. But its not fair. To her or me. This is why I’ve started to resent you so, to the point where I’d rather never see you again than sit down to chat. That’s not how I would’ve wanted this story to end. So instead I’m leaving. You where hurt once, when I had moved away. Not because I had moved but because I didn’t tell you. Although that was cruel, I did try. You know I did. The problem was, you preferred your girlfriend to me.
This is why I need to go, you can’t have your cake and eat it to. If you love her, be with her. If you love me, be with me. Don’t make me wait around. The resentment I feeling is just too great, and I don’t want that. I don’t want that at all. Bit I think the time of our friendship has ended and there’s nothing either of us can do to recreate the magic between us. Maybe years down the line we’ll see each other in a quiet little cafe and we can talk or even at a concert. God works in mysterious ways. But that’s just wishful thinking. Above all else, I wish you happiness. A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell.
I wish things had turned out differently.
With all the remaining love and compassion I have for you, I write this letter, hoping that maybe one day you’ll see it. And maybe one day, we can be us, again.
I’ll think of you often,