What Now?
by admin • August 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 6 Comments
You think I no longer love you, you’re wrong. You think I’m all fine and happy, you’re wrong. You think that after all this time, I could just stop, yet again you seem to be wrong. So I sit here wondering what to do. What if I see you, I’m very aware that my feelings would show through. With you around I wear my heart on my sleeve. What am I to you? A friend? A best friend? What is it that I find so god damned irresistible about you. It fucking hurts. I do believe on this site I’ve written you over five letters, some you know about some you do not. You only wrote back to the first one. I search through all these damn letters thinking I might find one from you, that I actually might be worth your time to write a letter. What am I supposed to do know? What am I supposed to say? I haven’t written a single poem since the one I writ you. I can’t write another word of my book, it seems that I can only express through you. I think of you constantly, I can’t get you outta my head. I can’t do this any more. It’s eating me apart.
send a letter in the mail.
Maybe you should just go and see that person and maybe you should sign your name or use initials so the other person may know. Maybe they’ve written you letters and you never knew it was from them. You ask what now, but the choice is up to you. All the best of luck to you.
I can’t do that, I lied to said person saying I didn’t love them to make them happy. It’s confusing I know but yeah. I can’t be honest and openly tell them how I feel without hurt them so, I lied to make them not hurt.
Sorry you had to lie.
Usually the lie is the most hurtful part, not how you feel about them.
But the thing is, loving them hurts too. A pain in my chest every time I think about them. It’s to the point where I have to check my heart to see if its still beating. I’m scared too, they know(or used to know) that I love them. I’m scared that they might not ever love me, or that they’re still hung over they’re ex.
Well, you need to find out. Otherwise you’re just playing games with yourself and you’ll drive yourself insane. Ask them if they still have feelings for their ex. Let me tell you something. Most will move on when the next person comes around who they feel is more than likely, even greater than that ex ever was. You will have to take it slow to find the truth of the matter but it sounds like you gave up before you should have. Sometimes you have to tug someone in your direction a little so they can see all that you are worth. Stop thinking if you are going to get hurt- if you want to love them- you have to be strong enough to do it. It’s more than just yearning for it. It takes work.. It’s like walking into a battle with the knowledge that your armor is stripped. Are you ready for that? Because that’s what love is. The rest of those feelings are just something else… obsession, depression.
Tell them again that you love them and that you want to try and give it a shot. You are falling apart not knowing and if this person loves you too, they would not want that to happen. Get out of the self inflicted misery of this. If the feelings are not reciprocated, than you shall have your final answer- you can then decide to dwell in it or move on and live again.
I’ve been where you are so I don’t say these things to be harsh. But I know the paralyzing fear of it. Until I decided it was better to have tried and failed then to have not tried at all…
I was able to move on and concentrate on me again.
Just so you know, when this happened to me- that person lied to me too… and that hurt more than any of it.
Good Luck.
Angel