Sometimes you meet someone and they are just a person. Just another somebody in a sea of all the other somebodies.
One day they look at you and you look at them. And something happens.
I don’t know what it was and I don’t know why it happened. Maybe you just happened to look at me when my walls were down for that one nanosecond in time. But it woke something inside of me and it made me wish for things that I had stopped wishing for. It made me want things I had stopped wanting.
I’m not saying it was reciprocated. I’m not saying anything could or would have ever happened. I’d like to believe that something was there. But then, we’d all like to believe that, wouldn’t we? I don’t even know what it was. Maybe it was just the chance of a great friendship. I’m sorry I was denied the chance to find out.
I know I was cold to you in the end. But I thought it best. The complications were astronomical. And the honest truth was I was just so tired of the drama and the constant little digs I was getting from people who don’t know know their asses from a hole in the ground. Try to understand my position. You were leaving. But I was staying. And I didn’t or don’t want a bunch of drama and gossip attached to me that can make things more difficult than they already are.
But I wanted to be friends. Because I believed you to be a person of worth. Perhaps someone not sure of their place in life and therefore susceptible to your surroundings. I won’t pretend that I wasn’t disappointed in some of your choices and your actions. But not everyone is as confident in themselves as I pretend to be. I’m not proud for not having the courage to tell people to shove it, either.
So I’m sorry. For the way it all ended. I’m sorry for the little sting I feel now that you are gone. For the pang of regret.
Some things, once done, can’t be undone. We are at an impasse.
Maybe if I had said something or you had. But neither of us did. And now there doubt is there as to whether it mattered at all.