Impasse
by admin • August 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 8 Comments
Sometimes you meet someone and they are just a person. Just another somebody in a sea of all the other somebodies.
And then.
One day they look at you and you look at them. And something happens.
I don’t know what it was and I don’t know why it happened. Maybe you just happened to look at me when my walls were down for that one nanosecond in time. But it woke something inside of me and it made me wish for things that I had stopped wishing for. It made me want things I had stopped wanting.
I’m not saying it was reciprocated. I’m not saying anything could or would have ever happened. I’d like to believe that something was there. But then, we’d all like to believe that, wouldn’t we? I don’t even know what it was. Maybe it was just the chance of a great friendship. I’m sorry I was denied the chance to find out.
I know I was cold to you in the end. But I thought it best. The complications were astronomical. And the honest truth was I was just so tired of the drama and the constant little digs I was getting from people who don’t know know their asses from a hole in the ground. Try to understand my position. You were leaving. But I was staying. And I didn’t or don’t want a bunch of drama and gossip attached to me that can make things more difficult than they already are.
But I wanted to be friends. Because I believed you to be a person of worth. Perhaps someone not sure of their place in life and therefore susceptible to your surroundings. I won’t pretend that I wasn’t disappointed in some of your choices and your actions. But not everyone is as confident in themselves as I pretend to be. I’m not proud for not having the courage to tell people to shove it, either.
So I’m sorry. For the way it all ended. I’m sorry for the little sting I feel now that you are gone. For the pang of regret.
Some things, once done, can’t be undone. We are at an impasse.
Maybe if I had said something or you had. But neither of us did. And now there doubt is there as to whether it mattered at all.
My insides twisted up when I read this. Your words sound like someone I know. Are you someone who has distanced themselves from me? Most likely not.
It sounds as though you’re regretting a lost opportunity. To me that hurts worse than a broken heart. May you find peace with it. All the best.
We all seem to regret things unsaid & dream of the “what if”, it just requires the courage to believe in yourself & put it out there.
The first part of your letter was so close to home, trying to imagine how the other person felt it was like having two sides to my own letter.
You might have doubt now & are at an impasse but what if <oops! the other person came back into your life, what would you do or say?
Good luck
Copperheart
I think we are all hoping in some small part of us, at least, that the person we intended our letters for will read them. But if I felt I could write or say my words to the intended, I would have. Sometimes, you just have to leave things alone.
I doubt you are the intended recipient. But I thank you for your kind words. A lost opportunity is a hard thing but it took the both of us. If they can live with it, I guess I can, too. I wish you all the best as well.
Yes I absolutey understand this one! It’s awful to feel like this! Put yourself out there. You never know, that person may feel exactly the same. Good luck!
To Author,
Thank you for your reply, unfortunately I am not the intended recipient but your letter did hit home & yes, I agree it might be best to lieave things alone, sad but true, put it down to life experience.
You came here to write & clear the air so to speak, after I had written my letter, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders & I could think straight, well a little bit straighter.
Do I regret a few things, of course I do but life has a funny way of making it up to you & when your not looking a special someone will be there. Someone who will make being alive oh so magical, now I am sounding a Mills & Boon book, seriously though, you sound like a strong character & also wish you all the best.
Kind regards,
Copperheart
Dear Author,
My heart nearly stopped for a second when I read this.
I too have had such an encounter, Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder… why I met that person.
I believed you when you said:
One day they look at you and you look at them. And something happens.
I don’t know what it was and I don’t know why it happened. Maybe you just happened to look at me when my walls were down for that one nanosecond in time. But it woke something inside of me and it made me wish for things that I had stopped wishing for. It made me want things I had stopped wanting.
This happened to me too. It was so over powering, I think it scared me more than I had anticipated. There is more to the story of course, but the connection was brief and intense. I regret not getting the chance to know this person. There were so many foul ups and mishaps. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I would have settled for that special friendship too. I had forgotten what it was like to want to have someone know me that intensely but in the purest form. And when I say the purest form, I mean- without the constraints of the norm. I think you have to have a deep soul to know what this feels like, but more importantly- when someone can see that far into you and you back to them- it’s a rare thing.
It’s like this person turned the light on inside me. I’ve been on this earth for a some time now, and this has only happened to me once.
And like you… I had to leave things alone. Not my first choice, but then again- I honestly wasn’t ready then. And neither were they. It was the only thing that made sense at the time. I had to get out of there.
If I ever come across this person again, I would do my best to get the words out and express myself properly.
I would want them to know that…I felt it too- whatever it was.
Take Care,
Angel
@Copperhead.
I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to the Another Somebody as they were the only response when I wrote my response. But I still thank you for the kind words. Take care. All the best.
@CopperHeART…
oops. Sorry about the name. I didn’t realize I typed the wrong name until I hit post comment. But I really do appreciate your comment.