to say the least. It’s very hard for me.
To let go of my insecurities and to let myself just feel free.
I have been, for the past few years now, a lot better than I was from the start.
I was a little less guarded, and a lot more content with what we are.
It’s just, moving onto new jobs, stopping our schooling at least for a while, and not seeing each other quite as much as we did is making my paranoia itch again.
I’m wondering if all those new girls, the ones hired in place of me, are going to catch your eye.. of if you might catch theirs. I’m wondering, the bisexual one, the Lexi with an I, the ones who wear shorts shorter than I tend to wear even on the hottest of days… I wonder if they may appeal to you more than I do. Or if you are tired of our monogamous path.. :/
I hope beyond hopes that this is a fleeting feeling. For I didn’t miss it a bit. Not even a fraction. I just wish I could be content with my body, the way I look, that I attract you and always will. Content that when you tell me forever, you actually mean it, and that a couple can last in these times. I believe it deep down, I know it full well. But I always have that raising doubt, that corner of my mind that rubs me the wrong way and makes me cringe when I want to text you and ask you if I am still the only one for you.
The one that worries if the girl shaking her hips in her short shorts at work is making you stare, while I sit here at home, waiting for an answer from my new job and from you… it makes me sick to think anyone but I could make you feel that sort of lust.
And it’s stupid of me to be thinking so.