All my life i’ve had an image of what i wanted to be. She came to me through dreams and was tall skinny (i’m skinny but i have curves. and this girl was perfect no lil belly bump.) and gorgeous. i mean drop dead gorgeous. I stared every day with hatred and pity at my own reflection. This is why no boys liked me, my face would never look like hers.
One day i met her. She’s now my best friend and we do everything ‘rebellious’ together. She got a boyfriend, i’m single. She got prettier, I got uglier. There was nothing i could do to compete. Nothing.
I look at how perfect she is She does have some bad in her life, but she has a loving boyfriend, and of course i love her she’s my best friend. but i feel like i’m choked out, the third wheel. a big pile of shit nobody wants. Nobody will probably even read this boring letter anyways. i just wish that god, and yes i know i shouldn’t blame him, but why does he put what i want, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. He makes it so i’m tortured by watching exactly what i want hang out with me. If i have to stay ugly for her to be my friend that’s fine. But i just wish, i fucking wish, that i could be just as attractive as she is. I was some guy i love to cuddle me so i dont have to cry myself to sleep.
I want a sweatshirt that smells like him
i want to share a milkshake with him
i want to have snowball fights and dance in the rain and kiss him
but most of all, I want him to exist and only
have eyes for ME. onlyme.