I am falling in love with you.
I realized it this past weekend, when I finally pushed away the fear and anxiety revolving around it. I was so scared and you have no idea. No idea how much I wanted to fight the feelings, how terrified I was that you may hurt me. No idea that right before you came into my life, I had finally decided to move on from someone else, was ready to be single and be on my own. I had JUST made that decision when you came up to me that night in that bar. And I was scared I wasn’t ready. That was months ago.
But this weekend was wonderful. We went for tacos, for drinks. I spent the night as usual. We watched a movie. We passionately had sex. And in the morning, when we were both awake but didn’t want to move, as I held you close and stroked your head, I realized I was falling in love with you.
It’s just the very beginning. It’s just the first step off the cliff. I’m not fully in love with you yet, but it’s going to happen. Everything is in motion, now. I watched your face as you laid there, watched the smile that spread across your face as I ran my fingers through your hair. I heard the laugh you let out when I climbed on top of you and snuggled my head into your broad chest, how you told me I was “the cutest thing” and an “awesome girlfriend”.
We spent the rest of Sunday together too, and you barely ever let go of my hand. Even when we were with all my friends and saying goodbye at the end of the night, you gave me a look that made me feel as if I was standing alone with you. That look, that smile, that kiss. I’m falling in love with all of it.
I’m falling for how you treat me like a princess. how we giggle about silly things. How you send me random texts while I’m at work, brightening my day instantly. How you seem to be content with your life, have a great head on your shoulders, love your job, love your family. How you bring a sense of comfort and solidity to my life.
I remember saying to you as we cuddled in the morning, “I feel so nice and secure right now.” And you responded, “That’s because you are.”
Secure enough to allow myself to feel this way about you.
I’m done with being scared, holding myself back.
I’m going to let myself fall in love with you. And that’s OK.