I love you.

But I’m scared that I’m just weak.

And that I just need you.

And I just need not to be alone.

Because how can I love you?

You’ve hurt me so much. You’ve broken my heart repeatedly.

And yet, I still don’t have it in me to leave you. You deserve it, don’t you? After destroying me time after time?

After making me hate you, when I thought I never could?

How can this not end in disaster again?

I just wish that you were the one to fall next time, instead of me.

Because you deserve it, after not loving me enough.
After taking away my control.
My strength.
My self-respect.
My identity.
My hope.
My ambition.

After destroying everything that there was to fall in love with, you deserve to be destroyed.

And I shouldn’t have to feel so badly whenever you have so much as a bad day.

I love you so much.

But I hate you.

… And I hate myself for both of those facts.