I ache for you. Worse, I have to hide ever pang as it comes, in fear that you might read my face and know. Then in knowing, you might walk away.
And I’m afraid of not being able to discern what would be worse – you walking away or you staying and never coming to realize how I feel for you at the heart of me.
You tear me up. Rip me straight to shreds without slowing to tear a pice here or there. I look into your unknowing, dark eyes and I see a world I’ll never know. Somewhere you’re not willing to take me, down to the depths of your heart. But I see the gate and shadows behind it of all the places I wish I could be in you.
I love you. It hurts. It makes me feel claustrophobic in my own mind sometimes. But it’s as natural as breathing for me to want you. More, for me to want you to want me in return.
It burns to sit beside you and not be able to reach out and take your hand. Hold you close. Kiss your shoulder. Can I ever be so bold? Kiss your mouth slowly, delicately.
You are a wonderland, and I am trapped outside. There’s nothing I can do to inspire you to let me in.
I’m yearning for you tonight, with full knowledge that I’m wasting my time, worse, my heart.
Please give me a day with you. Twenty-four hours to let these walls down and experience tenderness and intimacy beyond the walls of our friendships. Wider. Into the sanctuary of your heart, your embrace.
Oh how I wish you could give me that. But, come what may, I will ultimately hope that you someday feel for someone the things I feel for you. And rest happily there.