• Coulda’ Woulda’ Shoulda’

    by  • July 31, 2012 • Thoughts • 1 Comment

    So early-mid November some of my friends told me that this guy, liam, liked me and that he had for a while. I didn’t really do anything about it because I figured that it was just a crush and would pass or whatnot.
    —-
    At my school there was a middle school ski trip to new England right after Christmas and over new years. me and my friend Kelly signed up for it because skiing is one of the best things in the world and hey, why not? So then we found that the guy that she liked, jake (basically my brother), was going on it as well. And then I found out that liam was and I really didn’t care because we were friends and whatever and I liked him as a person and he was probably one of my best guy friends at the time.

    Okay, then a couple of days before the trip, I was talking to jake and he suggested that on at midnight of new years that everyone have a ‘new years kiss’ and I made him pair himself up with Kelly and then he suggested me and liam and I really didn’t care like at all, I just kind of thought that it would be awkward since we were really good friends and I felt like if I had then I would have been leading him on. But I eventually gave in and agreed.

    (New Years Night)
    Kelly, Jake, Liam, Michael (person who Kelly would like by the end of the trip), ), and some more of our friends and I were down in the game room just playing pool and talking and watching whatever was on TV and me and liam made eye contact a bunch of times and I could feel myself blush everytime we did. The security officer shooed us to our rooms around 10:45 so no kissing actually happened.

    At the lodge, there was a cafeteria and it had really good hot chocolate so that’s where we would stop when got cold/tired.

    Liam offered to buy me a lot of my meals and I only took the offer once or twice when i forgot my money but I didn’t want to take advantage of the kid.

    Out of the 25ish kids that were on the trip, only a number of them could actually ski/snowboard wellish. And the ones that were in my grade were (thank god) all my friends.

    So liam snowboards and I ski. He’s REALLYY good at snowboarding and im, idk average (?) at skiing. I can do blues and easier blacks and so can Kelly. Kelly and I are literally at the EXACT same level of skiing. So liam, Kelly, jake, Michael, sanders, and I were all skiing together doing blues and the occasional black.

    (One day while skiing)
    It wasn’t even that hard of a blue like asdlkjf I have no idea like wtf but whatever I fell and my ski came off and then I couldn’t get it back on and Kelly sanders and Michael (jake was doing blacks by himself just because) were already at the bottom waiting for me but liam saw me fall and immediately fell on his ass to wait for me. But he was too far down the mountain to walk up so he called my phone and said that he was going to go back up the lift and come help me while Kelly Michael and sanders were in the lodge and that it’ll take about 10 minutes to get to me. When he finally got to me, we both decided that it was impossible for me to get my ski on so he suggested that we just walk down the mountain holding out stuff. I agreed. this is when I started to like him

    So for the rest of the trip we were always together mostly and we flirted or whateverr. Kelly says that we were a “thing” on the trip and I didn’t realize that until now I guess.

    On the plain back home (it was about 4 hours) liam and I sat next to each other and talked the entire time. a;sdlj I get chills just thinking about it.

    so a couple of days after he texted me and was like blahblahblah I like you blahblahblah and then I replied blahblahlblah I like you too blahblhablah.

    about 2 weeks after this I just stopped liking him one night. And I literally have no idea. I just, did. I don’t know what made me or why I didn’t anymore I just didn’t. but I didn’t tell anyone because I thought that I was just idk I thought I was just confused because idk.

    So then at a school dance he asked me out and I replied “sorry, I just think that dating in middle school is stupid” (which is a lie but I didn’t want to be like ‘NO BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE YOU’) and so yeah. Then for the next week or so we still talked and then, I just stopped replying to his texts. And ignoring his skypes. And his facebook messaging. and eventually he got the message.

    About 3 months after this (we had lost our friendship and anything else we had) one of my closest friends asked me if I still liked him and I replied, “no not at all why?” and then she told me that she liked him. And that took me by surprise.
    So then they started to date and blahblahblah and then she told me that they were going on a date and I really didn’t care, I really didn’t. but then.
    “omg yeah like it wasn’t with tongue but like they were really long and we did it 6 times!!!”

    that’s when I cracked.
    I hated her.
    I hated her more than anything.
    But worst of all-
    I liked him.

    (presesnt day)

    so last friday night (july 27) i was spending the night at my friend, Merrit, ‘s house. Merrit has a twin brother who is BEST friends with liam. naturally she got her brother to invite him. (and by this point he knows i like him). but earlier in the day, like 10 people went to this girl in my grade’s pool to hangout. liam went, because that would be the only way to get to parrish’s (the twin) house. and i was excited! no parental supervision with the guy i like? OKAY I’LL TAKE IT.
    so anyway.
    but then, once i got there. i discovered something.
    something that ruined my entire day.
    she was there.
    liam’s girlfriend.
    her name, by the way is Ursula. ugly name right? yeah, its the evil mermaid in the little mermaid. okay well thats not actually her name but it fits.
    ANYWAY-i get sidetracked too easily.
    ursula proceeded to give him a hickey.
    awesome, right? yeah it gets worse.
    so later that night, around 2ish me, liam, merrit, kelly, and parrish started to play i’ve never (someone says i’ve never yahtayahtayahta and if you have, then you drink). he sat next to me. a;lskdfj okay sorry just putting that out there.
    so anyway, we played that (oh and everytime i would drink out of his cup).
    then, we went into parrishes room and played would you rather (except hook up version.. you chose 2 people in the grade and they have yo decide which one they would rather hook up with).
    parish asked me liam or alex (the guy i used to like) WHILE LIAM WAS IN THE ROOM.
    MOST FUCKING AWKWARD SITUATION IVE EVER BEEN IN.

    anyways.

    later that night when everyone was tired we got on liam’s laptop and watched a couple of episodes of southpark then fell asleep on the couch.

    I fell asleep next to liam.

    a;lksdfj best night of my life.

    p.s. during the would you rather game i found out that he’s a good kisser (he told me that) so that’s good for the future(:

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    One Response to Coulda’ Woulda’ Shoulda’

    1. Oh...
      July 31, 2012 at 10:20 am

      Give up, you do not love this boy, if you did you’d quit being so self-centered and change your attitude!!!




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