It’s really sad when you day dream about dying. Not necessarily wanting it, and not being suicidal, but if I were to die in some sort of freak accident, I don’t really think I would mind. The fucked up thing is that my life isn’t even bad compared to how horrendous it could be. I just don’t feel happy anymore. It’s rare when it happens. I try to find the good in things, and people, but it just gets harder and harder with each day that goes by. The older I get, the more friends I lose, and the shittier I feel. Being an adult sucks. There aren’t very many fun things to do, and usually they include alcohol, and I don’t want to have to drink to have fun. Maybe I should just go back to my optimism. I used to be so optimistic it would make people sick. But I was fucking happy. And i miss being happy.