You were standing right in front me, searching my eyes for an answer. I knew. I felt completely overwhelmed because you were on the edge of walking away if I couldn’t find the right words.
In that moment I felt time move from a race to a slow dance just long enough for me to memorize your face and know I might never see it again. To feel a stab of pain followed quickly by the responsibility to take care of you, and to answer.
There were so many things I had to choke down. Things I hope you never know…
So I’ll say all the things I couldn’t say to you now.
Your brand of sweetness overwhelms me. I am so logical and sturdy, but you could bring me to my knees in 30 seconds of heart-felt conversation. Honestly, you could bring me to my knees with a wink if I’d let you.
Your eyes. Shit it’s hard to lie when I’m looking in your eyes. I’ve never known anyone who could express so much, so honestly it actually makes a person vulnerable, in a look. But you have a gift for it. Your eyes could strip me bear if I weren’t so good at pretending.
The brush of your hand does things to me the most passionate kisses of my history never could.
When you sigh or grin or tilt your head to the side, I’m gone. The smallest gestures from you are so adorable…and so memorable.
I love when you look across the room at me, and we meet in a thought. Just locking eyes with you and knowing the feeling we’re sharing is stunning to me, still.
I’ve never met anyone so giving and kind. We all expect so much from you, and you never back down.
There could be no doubt that I love you, except that I will never let it show. Because you are meant for someone far greater than me. And I refuse to stand in your way or, worse, see us run our course straight into the ground before you see what I know: It could never work.
I try to hide the truth. I never want you to know the part of me that adores you, though I know you’re interested in being with me…because I’m not what’s good for you. However many times I try to find a way to be, I know I’m not.
I lied to you, while your eyes welled up with tears. I bit my tongue until you walked away, so you never knew the regret you left me standing in. I’m so glad you didn’t. The words ripped a whole in me as they left. But I know you won’t be back, and maybe that means you’ll open your heart to someone who can be the man you deserve. But somewhere in your heart I think you know you’re loved. Because as much as I deny it, you can surely see it when my masks slips out of place or I stay a little too long to talk with you.
So please let that be enough for you. That’s the most I could ever give, but it’s so much less than you’ll have in someone else.