Of Course I Love You
by admin • July 18, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 20 Comments
You were standing right in front me, searching my eyes for an answer. I knew. I felt completely overwhelmed because you were on the edge of walking away if I couldn’t find the right words.
In that moment I felt time move from a race to a slow dance just long enough for me to memorize your face and know I might never see it again. To feel a stab of pain followed quickly by the responsibility to take care of you, and to answer.
There were so many things I had to choke down. Things I hope you never know…
So I’ll say all the things I couldn’t say to you now.
Your brand of sweetness overwhelms me. I am so logical and sturdy, but you could bring me to my knees in 30 seconds of heart-felt conversation. Honestly, you could bring me to my knees with a wink if I’d let you.
Your eyes. Shit it’s hard to lie when I’m looking in your eyes. I’ve never known anyone who could express so much, so honestly it actually makes a person vulnerable, in a look. But you have a gift for it. Your eyes could strip me bear if I weren’t so good at pretending.
The brush of your hand does things to me the most passionate kisses of my history never could.
When you sigh or grin or tilt your head to the side, I’m gone. The smallest gestures from you are so adorable…and so memorable.
I love when you look across the room at me, and we meet in a thought. Just locking eyes with you and knowing the feeling we’re sharing is stunning to me, still.
I’ve never met anyone so giving and kind. We all expect so much from you, and you never back down.
There could be no doubt that I love you, except that I will never let it show. Because you are meant for someone far greater than me. And I refuse to stand in your way or, worse, see us run our course straight into the ground before you see what I know: It could never work.
I try to hide the truth. I never want you to know the part of me that adores you, though I know you’re interested in being with me…because I’m not what’s good for you. However many times I try to find a way to be, I know I’m not.
I lied to you, while your eyes welled up with tears. I bit my tongue until you walked away, so you never knew the regret you left me standing in. I’m so glad you didn’t. The words ripped a whole in me as they left. But I know you won’t be back, and maybe that means you’ll open your heart to someone who can be the man you deserve. But somewhere in your heart I think you know you’re loved. Because as much as I deny it, you can surely see it when my masks slips out of place or I stay a little too long to talk with you.
So please let that be enough for you. That’s the most I could ever give, but it’s so much less than you’ll have in someone else.
How can you say you love her and not even giver her a chance to love you back? She may not see what you see in her, fell for her…. One thing is very clear though, you don’t see what she sees in you but that doesn’t make her feeling less valuable then yours. Yes, sometimes good intentions do lead straight to…mm down the wrong path. If you truly clove her, you would allow her to love you back instead of hurting her, pushing her away. BUT what do I know…. Shakes head…. Sad, this is such a beautiful, heartfelt letter you wrote here. So beautiful and so very wrong in good intnetion gone opposite, I m h o
Oops sorry the typos…darn pad
Dear Author,
I find this letter to be somewhat compelling, yet cowardly at the same time. It seems as if you speak of love as a convenience of your thoughts and words of this person rather than an opportunity you should or could still have with her. I’m not saying these things to stir up anger in you or make you feel as if you are not worthy of her but it simply sounds like you gave up on a beautiful heart. You don’t get many of those amazing opportunities in your life.
You say you lied. What did you lie about? Who you are? What you are? How you feel? For what? Why?
It seems like you gave up on something very special and that, is nothing more than an end to a gothic love story. If she feels as strongly as you say she does , then you didn’t try hard enough. These are merely words on a page that can never replace the connection you feel/felt with her.
I’d shake you if I could! You just gave her away like that?…. Damn…
If you love her and she obviously loves you, be there, accept her love and please win her back because otherwise you both miss something so special and hard to find.
I’m pretty sure that this letter was never meant for me, but I want to thank you for it anyway. To know that I’m not the only one who has been hurt in a similar situation means a lot.
this letter speaks to me so much. i swear i am hearing it from someone who i love deeply. but i know it’s not you so i’m just going to live in the fantasy of thinking it’s you. that was beautiful. but you are stupid for letting her go.
I agree wiv an,nAnother Gemini and Coco dude!
Hey AG,
Apologies, but I have to play devil’s advocate. :O)
The inherent[s] aren’t, rightly, known to us. So, we can conjecture all day long, but if you’re anything like me, dear twin, then objectivity will stay it’s course, during my explanation.
We don’t know and can’t speak to the author’s disposition. Perchance, there’s a reason that they would feel that revealing such truth[s] or revelation[s] would be imposing upon yon fair maiden [or sir, to be completely objective].
There might be a reason why the author feels the need to keep this hidden, some truth or intuition, to which we aren’t privy to. Or, perchance, they’re afraid of it completely destroying or alienating the friendship that they have. [Such as, in my case.]
I can completely sympathize with the author, if only for my own subjective reasons.
Always,
Gemini
I can not fathom a reason to say that you are not good enough, nor how you can be so sure ‘it’ wouldn’t work. What are you so afraid of that you let love slip through your fingers? Why so little self esteem? Who did this to you?
Then again, and maybe I am jaded, maybe… this is just and easy out for you and not having to change a thing. Maybe with telling yourself all of the above until you yourself actually believe it, it makes you feel better about just letting go? Love is not a fantasy, love is the most precious gift reality has to offer. The ones lucky enough to find it, shoulder fight for and not against it!
The choices we make are the choices we live with for the rest of our lives… even the choice to not make one.
.. until we do
@Gemini,
I can certainly appreciate your decision to remain as objective as possible on this letter, but it is merely based on my own observation that I may think a bit differently. .. Clearly, the man has some regrets and some further thinking to do. The words that I see here , relate to a a person who may have chosen to be afraid rather than embracing a special connection. Lets be honest here, if the author’s feelings were purely platonic or only friendly in nature, I highly doubt they would have taken the time to pick up the computer to write this letter of love, loss and torment for themselves in the first place. I just hate to see the choice of fear and pride get in the way of something that could have been a great adventure for the both of them.
Call it intuition maybe, call it experience, or just call it this Gemini’s female perspective. : )
Always a pleasure,
AG
@AG,
I think we’re both advocating the other-half of the coin. Either way, I think we both have strong points. I just hope that you can understand why it would be so hard for someone to reveal something like this. From my perspective: I lost a dear friendship, due to it. Silence has reigned o’er us, for 7 months, now – because of it.
The, again, it could be this Gemini’s male perspective. *dun-dun-dun*
To the OP: you’ll always love her/him, despite anything that will ever happen. It will be bittersweet, this love. Just know that there are people out there, who have been there and understand. You are not ‘alone’ in this.
Always,
Gemini
Please be about me.
One could only wish.
Good luck i think you should do the opposite of what you would normally do.
@Gemini,
Well, I can certainly relate and empathize a bit if you have not had contact for 7 months with someone for whom you have dear feelings for. I think we can all relate to that. I have a male friend that told me of his romantic feelings for me after over 12 years of friendship. In that time, we grew into true best friends. Always together, even when we dated our respected others in our lives. The good news is that despite his admission to me, we talked about it- and I can understand the oddity at first, but we knew that we were brought together for a very special friendship- but not of the romantic kind. After talking and a little bit of time- things returned to their proper place. We have seen the best and the worst of times together and I feel lucky knowing that I will have him in my life for the rest of my days here on earth. We are still very close to this day- we talk to each other on an almost daily basis ,and I am just as close with his long time girlfriend as I am with him today. So, I understand – All I know is that I could not bare to be without him in my life. I hope that you and your friend, will be able to salvage the deep emotions and care you have for one another and embrace what you do have instead of what isn’t.
And besides, I’m also a tough cookie to date anyway- I told him it was a get out of jail free card for him.. hahaha… : ) I can’t explain the exact recipe for me on romantic love, even at this age of my life- but all I know it that when it happens- I can look at someone, touch them, speak to them , smile , laugh and care for them in a way that touches my spirit inside differently that anyone has done prior . This sets my world on fire. They make me want to be a better person. Challenge me- respect me and love me- despite my many faults. I am far from perfect- no such thing. Still looking for the one I suppose, but I also believe that time and circumstances have a role when you want to give your best to this person and he back to you. One day. I’m doing a ton of things that fulfill my life right now and yes, it would be nice to have someone to share the journey with but I need my own path to be defined first so that I can give him all his is worth by being the best I can be. That would be my promise to myself and to him- whomever that shall be.
Take Care- I hope you get to patch things up with your special lady friend in the near future.
Always a pleasure,
AG
Damn you. And then damn you again. Who are you to decide who is right for me? Who are you to decide who is wrong for me? Do you really think so little of me, of my judgement, and my heart? Who gave you the authority over the both of us to decide it’s over– without it ever beginning– and without first consulting me on the matter? Stop it. Stop being a coward. Stop hiding behind your martyrdom, pretending you know what’s best for me. For us. If you really loved me, you’d let me love you.
Love is a choice. The beauty of free will. You choose who to love by choosing to allow yourself to be in a position for that love to grow or to die. Love is not a feeling. Love is a service. A service of commitment, forgiveness, and sacrifice. Then the “feeling of love” comes and really all that is are feelings of comfort and security. Love is not anything like Hollywood or Fairytales. It’s completely a choice. Just like everything. What is right and wrong? What is right or wrong for you or what is right and wrong for others. The beauty is its your choice your free will.
To say she should be with someone greater is an excuse. You seem foolish and too scared to put in the work needed to be that man for her. Be honest, make the right choices, and give 100%. I hope you come to your senses and go get your lady back.
I really wish this was for me. If so, why’d you write it so late? haha…
My eyes welled up with tears while I turned to walk away that fateful day at drama. All I wanted was for you to reach out and grab my hand…tell me everything would be ok, say sorry. Truth be told, I miss you, more than you will ever know.
So, Author, I bet this girl loves you too. I know this because I was in her place. It’s just that my guy was in love with someone else.
This literally just made me cry because I have this in my life right now. I have this magnet of a person who draws me in and yet his words were he doesnt deserve me and i am the most amazing woman hes ever met. loving someone who wont let you love them is so hard…. especially when you have to let it go. This was eerily beautiful, thank you for it.
I know how it feels….
Dear Guy,
You can’t let someone go because you’re afraid that you’re not good enough. If anyone truly believed that they were good enough then they probably weren’t. Who are you to stand in the way of something that could be wonderful? I would put money down that you are good enough, you’re just really afraid.
I personally think that fear is worse than anything. In this life, love is the last thing that you should be afraid of. Love is woven into who we are, therefore it is not hard, relationships are. But, if you have love right there in the middle then dammit go after it. You can’t be a coward and run away from commitment.
Chances are that you won’t ever be “good enough” but if you’re enough for her right now, why the hell does anything else matter?
Excuses are gross
be someone better because if you knew what you were doing to her heart right now you would be changing your tune. If you know that she feels something then you better tell her that you do too because shes always going to wonder…if its really love…months from now she will be thinking about the moments when she was with you and the energy that you shared.
Be a man,
go after what you want,
you’re good enough
shit, you’re probably better than good enough
so stop the pity party.
sincerely,
a girl who could have had this written to her