JA I hate what you did to me.. Yeah I wasn’t a virgin when we met, but you were my first true love. And you betrayed that by hitting me, abusing me and cheating on me with your ex! And when I finally moved on to FM, you hated me. You stalked me. You harassed me. You made us fall out, and I ended up not even being able to trust him. Yet I knew I loved him, but you with your foul words.. I lost him, and now you’re happy with your 16year old girlfriend..
I tried moving on.. BC, SB, BG… SB, he really did rip my heart out and stamp on it. I gave him all the trust I could and in return he just.. Spat me out. Ignored me.. And now he’s happy with his lovely girlfriend..
I got to the point where I tried to kill myself, only to wake up in hospital.. Then there was a person who kept me happy.. He kept me sane. AR came into my life and almost sweeped me off my feet.. Almost. Once he knew how I felt, he got scared and left too…
So little old me was left, heart in pieces on the floor.. Then JW came along :’) i vowed myself not to fall for him. It was just a physical… Thing. It meant nothing and I wouldn’t let him in.. But once he started caring outside of the bedroom.. Well I found myself falling. In the tender moments of love making, the last time we saw eachother before we both moved away, he whispered so softly I barely heard it. “I love you”. I couldn’t believe it, but said it back.
That was 2 months ago, and since then I moved away. Lads have come and gone, tbh, most of them from back home.. And yet, JW decides to pop up one day, and starts caring. I joke about when he states that I loved him by saying he said it back. But in the heat of the moment. Instead of agreeing.. He whispers that he meant it.. But hes miles away. Everyone’s miles away.
My head feels like its about to implode on me. My heart feels like a razor is opening it up.. It hurts. Because I don’t know what to do anymore.. I don’t know how to love anymore…
I’m turning bitter.. And I can’t even stop myself..