I am sure I’ll fade away: inch by inch, shard by shard. Impatient at best, but that does not find THE companion for my lonely heart, standing by himself out in the rain. Each drop races from the sky as if the fastest receives a grand prize. What? I could not tell you. Only a raindrop would know.
No cover. No shelter, not even a mobile protector. Everyone else’s sky emits sunshine, oblivious to the downpour in my own. Oh, I’ll smile as if this is the way I like it, as if the rain is my favorite type of weather and I welcome the presence of the drops on my skin, soaking through my clothes and chilling my body in the merciless wind.
Nope, everything’s fine over here!
I never thought I’d be here, feeling so weak, wanting that which is out of my reach. I have lost, sure, who hasn’t? However, they have never truly left, but rather linger in the confines of my restless mind. I feel on the verge of crying again, another symptom of a weak heart; weak character. I’ve done nothing right; reacted in all the wrong ways. I’ve screwed up so many times it’s a wonder I haven’t permanently drilled myself so deep into this slab of wood that no power tool can remove me and no instrument could cut me free. I feel so dark, and not just visually. There is no more electricity left either. Not even a spark remains to power a flashlight.
I don’t feel good enough tonight. Wanted. Desired in any way other than to be an asset to others.
Gaahhh, I am foolish… I know the lies that drip into my mind, and yet they consume my consciousness, pushing the truth of what I know outside of this “conscious” bubble. Yet it is still there as “knowledge”. Just not “applied knowledge” if that makes sense.
*sigh* I really just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know who to talk to. Or if it would even make a difference. It hasn’t so far. This plastic heart begins to crack beneath such wimpy pressure…
Just a lost little puppy…
Only without the cuteness a puppy usually possesses.