dear father.

First i would like to say that what you have done to me in these past 17.5 years has been a hell to me. Every chance you get you seem to always criticize and break me down. What makes you so damn perfect? Never have I ever felt any feelings of companionship, famiy, or love from you. You have verbaly and physicaly attacked me and i am almost on the edge of meltdown. Do you ever wonder why when you enter the room we all leave? It is because you have ruined our lives and we have learned that we can feel most comfortable if we are the farthest distance away from you. Where ever you go, I go in the opposite direction. And how dare you try to force your beliefs on me. You openly insult any non-white race. Are you really that idiotic and pigheaded that i am going to be just like you. No. i accept all people. You constantly bag on african americans, homosexuals, and anyone else on this earth that isnt a carbon copy of you. You may be thinking that you are doing the best for us but you are just spewing hot air and lies and I feel as if you are trying to close that world off from me with this. You dont even support my ideas or my goals. If there is something I want to do, you always make me stop what it is I was doing or going to do and go do what you say. There have been events where i have been eating a late lunch because I had to finnish something you didnt want to do and i had to skip breakfast and so you come to me like it is your pwoer endowed by god and tell me that i have to do this job now and eat later. i can not count how many times i have dreamt and hoped that you would die while i was away and that I would finaly be free from your agressive shadow that have forever been looming of me. Any chance I get, even if it is going to the store, I will take it and enjoy being far from you. what you have done to me psychologically feels irreversible. Because of you I never do anything on my own actions and thoughts. i have to be told what to do because there have been many times where i went and did something and i was working hard at it but you must have thought that it was something not directly benefitting you so it didnt matter at all. Only recently have i been able to try to let my voice and opinion be heard. i raised money for a funraiser that supports people with a certain disease that cripples their muscles and will eventually kill them. This fundraiser is to donate money to the research for a cure to this disease that is still currently uncurable. I have such a strong connection with this fundraiser because it supports a family where two of their daughter have this condition and I know this family extreemly well and i have even attended school with these girls. And what did you think of that? You said that it didnt matter about them. you asked me how that this would help you. You said that you were and i quote ” po’ and broke”. You are perfectly healthy and frankly overweight. If you are so “po’ and broke” then how can you afford to drink an entire case of beer in 3 days. These people who have this disease live in these same time as you and have the same probles but they also have to pay for the healthcare and medical treatment for these girls. And you still seem to surprise me even more by just not taking responcibilities of your own actions. Just last night while we were eating dinner you moved your table placemat and spilled your glass. What did you almost instantly say? ” God**** it who put the milk there?” Instead of just being a grownup and just letting it be an accident and not making a childish/imature display you had to make a point that any part of that was entirely not your fault. Wow. Really? You always point the finger and just never take accountability. Another thing that you seem to do well is undermine and destroy relationships. On one of my stays away from home, you got into a rage that the lawn wasnt mowed. You then preceded to fight with my mother that i was gone for too long and that this was all her fault. Thank God for my sister for getting up and telling you that your are a bastard. You have put my mother in tears before but this time she was enirely broken. You deserved every bit of what my sister told you. We can never do anthing. we must always tip toe around you and am sick of it. You have gotten into anger fits so violent that you have beaten some of our animals and even strangled us. Every night I pray that if i die or am hurt by him that i hope that god will one day return what he deserves ten fold. I have seen bruises on my sister’s neck.

All three of my sisters have been in a car wreck. In separate cars at different occations. And all of those accidents were not their fault but you never let it down that they crashed your cars and that they are just unworthy. And today I had to go into town and complete some errands that i needed to. well i had to go schedual at the orthodontist and go to band practice. I got home and it is clear that he has had alot to drink already and you ask me, not just in a calm and casual way but in a mean and derogatory way, where i have been and that he cant see why i was gon for 4 hours. well I explained to you that i had to wait an hour at the orthodontist and band reherdal in 3 hours long and yet somehow you didnt understand why i was gon for so long. in the past you told me that ” you need to stop having play time and start working.” Excuse me?!?!?!?! I am in a nationaly competitive marching band and you say that it is just “play time”? You have never had pation for somthing and you do not know how much and how hard that we practice. How can you tell me what i am supposed to think is and is not work. recently i have gotten job aplications to work place but you just get angry and storm off when i ask about them. 1. how am i supposed to work if i dont actually apply for a job and 2. how am i supposed to deposite enough money to go to college. when i and forced to work here i dont see a sing cent of payment and it is extreemly unlikely that you will help my pay for school and that it would be pretty much imposible for you to offer any remotly useful help where you have already helped send three other of my siblings to colledge but since i am the youngest i wont get much aid because you are “po’ and broke”. And for once just get the message that Hate you and that even though i act pleasant and never say no to you it is not because i chose to be that way because i know that it is best to have as little confrontation and or contact with you as possible.there are somany reasons why i absolutely 100% hate youbut i cant list them all. So in conclusingi hope that you will someday figure out that i hate you and in the future if i ever have a family that they will have no contact with you. i hope that you will just leave me, my mother and sisters,and our dogs alone and that when you die i hope that when you die you will forever suferin the fires of hell.

Sincerely,
Son