You’re my best friend. It took so long for us to warm these coals, and now you’re practically a set point of warmth for me.

Tonight we were walking and talking, and it was so normal. But something was going on that you couldn’t have known. That you wouldn’t have searched for in my eyes, because you trust the purity of my friendship.

But I was falling in love with who we are together. And it scares me that I’ve been doing this for so long, and you haven’t seen it. Then again, it comforts me that you don’t know. Because you could never look at me this way.

I keep thinking, if only you could see this from my eyes for a day. I’d even settle for seeing through your eyes for a day if it could change my mind and put us on the same page again.

But as things stand, you move me. Just when I think I’m made of stone, you melt me like wax. And your graciousness, your humor, your wit make me feel alive. But not as much as your smile or the brush of your hand, accidentally, over me.

I adore you. So much that it hurts sometimes. So much that I feel like a liar to bury all these feelings so you can trust my friendship. So I don’t have to risk losing you. Because the only thing that would hurt more than this is if you weren’t in my life at all.

I just had to say this:

Sometimes, the sound of your voice heals the black mood I carry around after a bad day.

Sometimes, your sideways smile melts me to the point I’m afraid you might see how I feel written all over my face.

Sometimes, your quick wit keeps me laughing until I can’t breathe.

Sometimes, I catch myself half reaching out for your hand, and I have to reel myself in.

Sometimes, I think about the one time we were near each other in a way that could be misinterpreted to mean something. And I wish I could return to that moment and test the waters.

Sometimes, your name is all I have to hear. It’s like a deep breathe that peaks my senses.

You are so amazing. And if you could ever begin to see me with half as much love as I see you with, it’d be an amazing privilege.

love,
your best friend