what’s up B,

apparently you’re coming over tonight to drink with us, so i think that i ought to get this off my chest now before i lose my inhibitions thanks to our good friend alcohol, and accidentally let it slip how completely fucking annoying i find you.

ugh i honestly wonder how you have friends or even people who tolerate you. like i get that you’re my roommate K’s friend prettymuch since birth & you’re basically her family, so that part makes sense i guess, because she doesn’t know any better (even though honestly i would have disowned you quite a while ago)….. but as for the rest of our apartment mates, and everyone else we know… they have no excuse for not realizing what a complete bitch you are.

you’re literally the most self centered, narcissistic person i’ve ever met, you can take a conversation about how somebody’s grandmother died in a car crash, and turn it into an overblown, partially-made-up story about your drunken exploits. i’m not exaggerating, you’ve actually done this. it’s freaking pathetic, if nobody pays attention to you for five seconds you will do just about anything to worm your way back to the center of attention. and if that doesn’t work you’ll drink more and more, and get progressively louder and more offensive until somebody finally notices you.

for example, your racist drunken rantings about how there are “too many black people” on our campus, yeah those are so freakin charming. and how you were “so ashamed” that you hooked up with a black guy??? WTF you are a horrible human being, he’s the one who should be ashamed that he hooked up with a fat trashy redneck bitch such as yourself. i actually kind of hope that you’re just doing this to get attention, rather than actually being a racist little fuckhead, but either way you’re one of the worst people i know.

oh, speaking of your desperate attempts to get attention…. when you talk about how you’re “anorexic” and “haven’t eaten anything all day” whilst chugging one of those thousand-calorie, extra-large coffee milkshake things from tim hortons, you’re not fooling anyone you fucking idiot. one of my best friends in high school literally almost died from anorexia, she was 72 pounds at one point, you’re like 160 and you have NO IDEA what she went through or what you’re talking about. yet you still use it as a way to gain people’s attention and sympathy. you’re not gonna get any from me, though, because everytime you wail dramatically about how “oh i starved myself this week” as you’re snarfing down oreos, i picture my friend, who was the nicest most selfless and compassionate person i’ve ever met, laying unconscious in the hospital with feeding tubes sticking out of her. im dying to call you out on this one day, to explain to you how some people have real problems instead of just being attention-seeking drama queens, and how you need to get the fuck over youself. i also love how you talk about what a hard life you have, and how you’re “so broke” whilst wearing a 300 dollar dress, texting on your iphone, and chugging a 20 dollar cocktail. cry me a fucking river.

kay, i feel better now. also, i’ve decided that for a drinking game tonight, i’m gonna take a shot everytime you butt into a conversation and change the subject to make it all about you. i give it about 3 minutes until i’m trashed.

love,
not your biggest fan