Distance
by admin • July 3, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 6 Comments
What happened to us? I know we had issues, but I was not expecting this. I have a suspicion of what it is. You became more secretive. You became more aloof. You fell for another guy. I don’t know if it is love. I don’t know if you still have feelings for a past flame, the one that you can’t let go. I don’t know anything about you anymore. You have shut me out of your world, exiled me to the bowels of hell. Each night I hope that things will get better. Each morning, I awake to see a scowl where your smiling face once was. I am not willing to say it is truly over. Yet, your mind seems made up. I need to prepare for the inevitable while hoping for the impossible. I love you and always will. Here is hoping that tomorrow is a better day.
It’s a past flame and I’m very confused…if only I had a letter like this to put my mind at ease on where my mind should be. I thought I knew. But then something happened. The inevitable I used to think was impossible…but now perhaps the inevitable is that there’s hope that maybe one day…just one day you’ll actually tell me face to face on how you feel.
no idea who this is meant for, but surely it applies to many. In my case it’s not another man, I don’t even care to have another. I flirt, I enjoy compliments (of course, I mean, who doesn’t?), I enjoy intelligent conversations or just fun meaningless ones. Point is, I am simply taking in live. A life that he has no interest in sharing, but one-sided. My side. It’s like talking to myself and frankly I can do that in my head. Even my friends share their lives with me, it’s called SHARING. He used to, at least little things. Now? Nothing but the actual emotion resulting from whatever, whatever as in I have no idea where they really come from. I feel as if I am not good enough, not trusted enough, not cared for enough to receive his share. Maybe he thinks he is protecting me in some strange way, I don’t know. That is the nicer explanation I give myself to soothe over this deep pain that has become a dull, numb and always underlying humming within me. Why we are holding on to each other so tightly, I don’t know anymore. It must be love. I know his potential, I know him inside and out and never have I held feelings like this for anyone. The thing is this though, he doesn’t love me back the same way. I will never be able to understand, nor accept this supposed difference of loving someone and being ‘in’ love with someone – it simply translates to me ‘I don’t want you and hold others over you’. I am beginning to accept ‘that’. The only way that I can maintain ‘us’ is by being more like him. I want to maintain because, in a way, I understand his why’s and I know that he is extremely busy. I am waiting, not literally but in a sense, waiting for change to happen between us. What ever this change may be. I wish he would see me for me as real person, maybe one day he will. I don’t know. What I do know is that I went through more changes then I ever imagines I had to go through again. I do know that I will keep myself busy and finally begin to find joy at least in little things again which used to come so easy to me but hasn’t for a long time. I long for him, long for sharing everything with him but no longer as a one-sided mess open for judgement and pity. I don’t need any of this, nor did I ever, I needed arms holding me and making me feel safe. Instead I received a kick making sure I am all the way down. I was, I was and still found strength to hold him and try to make him feel safe. The irony of life at best.
The point of all my babble here is this;
If you feel she is drifting away? If you really care enough to hold on to her for all the right reasons and not only the selfish ones, then share yourself! Tell her how you feel and don’t just sit around waiting for things to happen hoping through ignoring everything will be alright. It won’t!
Moronic y’all really think I’m into him that much? Hahha jokes on u.., I’m not try something new… Not that entertaing. Somthing new ? Somthing to make me laugh
Oh ya n who gives a shit if you drift away? “friend” for real it’s just pathetic …. You’d go to these lengths … Face to face don’t give a flying f to get into this with you or any other pathetic loser wasting time… I’m wasting my time here now, BC I can …. On the
Other hand you did it during BBQ time (ish), grow a pair and say what. You gotta say to my face!
Oh and One more thing
You will never
Be me
Look like me
Have what I have
A soul like mine
A life like mine
Or luck like mine
Every 7 days life n luck is renewed it’s upto ur cheesy self to
Make it happen
Cockcckccocococ suckit
Tell her exactly what your feeling. no not trying to be sentimental .. but honestly I feel that maybe there is something going on in her life bigger than your relationship maybe she’s having a hard time with. Maybe she doesn’t know she’s acting distant from you. I dont know your situation but I have been in a simular one. Just be honest and call her out on it. Better to know whats going on than to make up things in your head.
Tell her how you feel. Communication is everything.