It happened again last night.
You entered my head as he was entering me.
I wanted it to be you.
I pretended he was.
When I closed my eyes, You made love to me for hours and I to you.
I didn’t want you to leave, but when I opened my eyes, you undoubtedly did.
In an instant, I went from ecstasy to heartache, then mourning for someone I can’t have.
I have seemingly moved on but my thoughts still go to you.
For how long?
When will you stop entering my mind, ?
When will I forget you. ?
How do I get you out of there?
I run from you in my head and you always catch me, and gently corner me somehow in there, playing with me- toying with me, making me smile.
In reality, You are not here.
I can’t believe I feel like this. I shouldn’t.
It makes zero rational sense.
This is not like me -at all.
At first, I was too frightened about the way you made me feel and it scared you too; I lost myself in your presence.
I was scared of your passion, your words of such intensity at me; I could barely catch my breath
You saw me weak and vulnerable.
I just wasn’t strong enough then.
You were flushed and intrigued.
When it was my turn- I froze- I am so sorry for that.
It is the biggest regret of my life. Damn it.
You must of thought I was on drugs -. I would have too.
I wasn’t- except for the most powerful one of all – love.
I know it sounds insane, but it’s what I know.
I know I am everything you wanted and spoke of.
I am that woman.
What you thought of me- Is who I am-Sweet, strong, passionate and smart.
That way you used to gaze at me, said it all.
I felt that intensity and pressure from you in that room full of people.
It was just too much then.
I wish we could have healed each others wounds with kindness and laughter.
Instead, I ran.
I feel differently now…
I don’t care how we met, or through what cosmic circumstances put us in that same room together.
Strange at the time; it now comforts me.
If you were here, I would kiss every part of you to make you feel as if anything in the world is possible.
I hope you think of me some days and wonder what could have been.
I would swim oceans to get to you if I knew you ever thought of me that way still.
Instead, I do everything to try and forget you.
But my head and heart it seems, just won’t let you go.
Please Let me go.
Or come get me.
I beg you.
I still want you.
But love you too much to chase you.
Trying to let it burn out- I really am.
But this flame just keeps growing hotter and wilder, no matter how hard I try to put it out.
Help me put it out for good.
Or give us a chance and come feel the pain of the heat.
Erupt with me and then lay with me as we smolder it together with the delicious release of our bodies.
I ache for you.
Come get me, before it’s too late.
I’m not scared anymore.
I need you.
I love you