Cold, steely pain, like a metal hand firmly pressing against my bare flesh without my skin adapting to the icy pressure. Nails like glass dig into my chest, twisting and turning with vicious precision to get at the treasure cowering behind the bars of my ribs; a prison or a vault, I am not sure. Surely a vault would be a thick and impenetrable wall, not a series of bony shafts that leave my heart exposed.
I can fight it, but I can’t win.
I can ignore it, but not for long.
I can bear it, but to what end?
This characteristic handed down to me hovers above my head, buzzing incessantly in derisive glee, fully aware of my slowly fracturing heart that falls away, sliver by agonizing sliver. The gray skies that look down on me begin pitching hailstones at my face and my chest, each chunk of ice the size of a baseball accelerating to speeds far beyond the abilities of Aroldis Chapman.
You cannot miss that which you have never met and the largest instigator of heartbreak is that taste of bliss, regardless of the duration. You can always observe it from afar and long to know it on a personal level, but you will never really understand it until its attention turns to you, speaking to you, showing you everything you ever wanted to know about its character and personality — it is this introduction to Love and the experiences that succeed it which makes life without it that much less bearable, not the distant observations of it.
I have had this glass offered to me on two occasions, and each time I have brought it to my lips, prudently sipping at first due to uncertainty, then allowing it to slide down my throat freely and rush into my stomach once it was clear there was no danger. I knew not thirst or hunger while I fed on this elixir. Yet both times it was yanked from me, and I’d have given anything to get it back. My heart went into withdrawals, trying to claw its way out of its cell, but the Ribcage held it at bay. Where would it go anyways, once it were free?
Now, through these off-white bars another beauty has crossed my heart’s field of vision: Truly a gorgeous masterpiece created by God Himself. Indeed, aren’t we all? Yet something is different about her, despite the air of familiarity ringing from the memories of the two crystal glasses I held before. And somehow altogether different with her own set of characteristics and purity of heart. A real galaxy of wonder which I can hold in the palm of my hand, all the while marveling at the beauty and complexity of its design.
You would think my drought were over at the utterance of these words, and yet love is making a fool of me again! It dances beyond the reach of this cell, laughing with a mischievous smile on its face, knowing that this distance may as well be the gap between two stars on opposite ends of the same galaxy. Our signals may reach that far to promote communication, but there is no bridge either of us can build right now to allow us to cross over into the other’s home-world. One is in the making and will be complete soon, but fear wraps itself up around my heart in anticipation of no real distance being crossed, even if acquaintances are made. And I may very well be left to rot in this jail, forced to watch that jester dance his jig in mockery of what I fear I’ll never possess or be given the chance to offer: true Love. Or that the guards may let me out to experience this wonderful phenomena, only to drag me away from it and usher me back into my cell, despite my cries of protest, never truly setting me free.
You see what happens when I have too much time to think? I really think you are beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, breath-taking, and so much more and in so many ways, and I honestly believe that falling in Love with you would be no challenge, and staying in Love with you is a challenge I would gladly accept no matter the difficulty, for what Love is NOT a challenge to maintain? I am in love with Love, with being a servant, a helper, a friend and doing what I can to make that special person’s life so wonderful, as well as offering the other tiers of Love to all others in my life to full capacity, because Love takes on so many other forms than just romance.
But you have walked into my life unexpectedly and stole my breath before I even realized I was gasping. Perhaps I am over the top, but words cannot express how I long to be united with you. This is my curse; my burden to bear until the day God deems me ready to be relieved of both.
I dare not speak these sentiments to you for fear of scaring you away with my irrational passion and unfounded dreams. But perhaps someday, when the beginning of irrationality is removed and the front end of unfounded expelled, you will meet these words and the man behind them — the man who would give you all his Love if only the opportunity were presented to him.