I’m not sure how to start this; I don’t even think I am sure on how to end this. The immense rollercoaster of emotions and the roughness of the words that are spoken. I suppose the only real question to everything you have ever said to me is why? The fact that I can’t see things the way you do and the fact that there are so many beautiful things that I as this one little person has to offer you and you are so very blind to it, frustrates me in the oddest fashion. It frustrates me to the extent that I try and trick myself and make myself believe that I am okay and that the darkness has subsided. Then when the terror stops and the small hope of happiness creeps back in, you walk up, slap it in the face and tell it that it’s not work living on the inside anymore. The physical stabbing pain that is felt by the words that you say the fact that you once said you felt so much love for me, and then you spat the words “I hate you” in my face. All that can be said is why?
Am I worthless, am I not a person, am I not able to have these feelings. I would possibly understand if it was puppy love, if it was a 12 year old playing hand in hand with candy wedding rings. This is not puppy love, this is raw and violent and unconditional love. This is love in the purest form there is so much love that it has become a full fledged torture device that you use to control me. You know I cannot live with you and you use this to your every advantage that fact that I am breed to love you that I have been chosen and offered to you and what do you do? Turn it down, ignore it, and pick at it like a scab that will form an ugly and horrible scar. I am this scar and when looking back the only question will be why.
I will forever love you, the fact that you are blind to this will be something that I cannot control. The only thing that saddens me is that all these words I have written, you will read, you will acknowledge but you will never really begin to understand they were written for you. They were put on here for you, this is my declaration of love to you. The lover that was blind to the love within my soul.