Hey, uh, mom? This might be slightly awkward, but.. Well.. I know you think I’m the perfect little cookie cutter church girl daughter and all, but I’ve got a few things I would like for you to know:
1) I have a boyfriend who you have never met.
2) he just so happens to be about 6 years older than me.
3) I’m in love with this boy.
4) I stayed the night at his house last night when you thought I was at my best friends house.
5) there’s a slight chance that I might be pregnant with his baby. Slight.
6) I have a court date Monday morning, I’m not ACTUALLY going to a graduation party in another state.
7) I will be staying the night with my boyfriend that night too.
8) everyone knows this but you and dad.
9) i’ve gotten drunk before.
10) I backed your car into a tree, but it didn’t make a mark.
11) I occasionally curse like a sailor.
12) none of my friends like you because you’re way too hard on me.
13) the reason why all of these “rebellious” things are happening is most likely because of #12
14) I always wanted to make you happy and you were never satisfied.
15) when I leave for college, I will RARELY come home. And I mean RARELY.
16) you think you know me up and down, backward and forward, but you don’t.
17) ive snuck out over ten times.
18) I hate when you cut me off when I’m talking.
19) I really did hide your toothbrush. It didn’t just get misplaced.
20) I didn’t go to the movies with the girls last night. I went to Applebee’s with my boyfriend and his friends.
I feel a lot better. Sorry it has to be this way. But maybe once you come back down to earth, we can communicate like regular people.
Sorry I’m not sorry mom. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.