Okay first, wow you are special and amazing. This is going to be a long one because you’re asleep right now and want to surprise you with something happy and to show you how much you mean to me.
Well, first I’m going to start off with the hard part. Her. She is the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with and you make me seem like I did it wrong. I say that because you make me feel so special and so ‘welcomed.’ Tonight was the hardest night I’ve ever had with her. We literally described how you described going through the motions with Ben. I can’t be myself with her anymore. I tried but nothing went anywhere. I had to try, if I didn’t then I wouldn’t know. We sat on basically opposite sides of the couch watching the basketball game. I would try to say something and she’d barely respond. It went on for two and a half hours. Twenty minutes and I’d try to say something. Nothing. Even when she came to work tonight at Fairmont. We basically just sat there in silence while I tried to talk. Nothing. It’s just nothing anymore. You’ll get a kick out of this because it just proved you’re right again hahaha. In the car ride from my house to hers (because I had to drop off my little brother) the song ‘Wide Awake’ by Katy Perry came on the radio. I asked why she liked the song so much. She replied and said that she did because she loves the lyrics and that it is basically what she is trying to say to me. I looked up the lyrics maybe five minutes ago and on huffingtonpost.com there is an article titled, ”Wide Awake’: Katy Perry’s Break-Up Anthem Joins Other Songs That Tackle Splits.’ Like, wtf? Thanks, I guess? Just too many signs saying that it’s over between us. I asked her while listening in the car, “You know this is a bad song, right?” and all she said was no. Tomorrow is it, I’m done with her. I can’t be myself, I can’t be happy. You make me happy.
Now what I really want to talk about since that is out of the way The last five days have been perfect. I just want to tell you how lucky I am to have you, Mr. H. Freshman year was when I started liking. I don’t know, you just brought out a side of me that made me feel good. Really good. I wasn’t as smart then as I am now. You’ve taught me a lot since then, that’s probably why. We would barely talk. I still remember the day where I went to the Notre Dame/Pittsburgh football game and for some reason I had to text you and tell you I was there because it reminded me of you. That song by Jay-z “Young Forever” always reminded me of you!! So even when we were apart we were still together.
Now, even when I didn’t know if I still had those feelings, I knew. I remembered the day you even came back. March 9th. The first day we saw each other in a long time. Way too long of a time. April 17th. (Your favorite number out of many). All of the little stuff I shouldn’t have remembered or noticed because we were just friends keeping in touch. I had a girlfriend. Had.
Then June 9th came by. Oh yes it sure did come. I didn’t want to go because I was afraid I would fall for you, like Freshmen year. Well, when I saw you guys drive into the parking lot and saw you in the passenger seat, my heart skipped a beat. I hope you’re smiling like I am right now reading this Trying not to look over and just tell you what I’m feeling. Seeing that smile that I’ve missed for way too long. Seeing you and him having so much fun over there at the end table…muahahahaha too real? When you said “thank you for that” when we had that laugh together that no one else caught at the table, just was the icing on the cake and that I only wanted to be with you. Our subtweets hahaha. That night was so perfect and we didn’t let it end. The change and ‘present’ you gave me while we were paying That hug. Oh that hug. I didn’t want it to end. I had to pull you back and we wanted it to never end but made it seem like it was the wrong thing to do. We were on the same page.
That next day I had to see you. It was so vivid and real. Oh wait it was real I don’t use smileys, Mr. H, but talking to you makes me feel like I have to because that’s all I do. Smile. We just kept getting to know each other more and more that day. Oh how much I wanted to say more but I had to stick to the master plan. I had so much fun that day, laughing the whole time. Memories from that day were made that I’ll never forget.
June 11th was where our plans collided. I didn’t know you were that much into PDA, holding hands and kissing in public like that movie theater…hahahahha. For some reason it felt like we’ve been like this for so much longer before that night. Or maybe it was a sign that we should have been together way before then. Every time we’ve been together I could say, “I’ve never had that much fun in so long,” because of you. It just keeps getting better. Thank goodness some of your cockiness rubbed off on me Then when we didn’t want to leave was the best haha. Us running off and in each other arms was like a movie scene. Ironic that it was in a movie theater hehe. But you made it so self-assuring that there is someone who can make you a better person. You made me feel safe. Like all I need is you. You make me feel so safe.
Let’s take a break during this long novel and show some love to the asians.
Now back to the show. Ps why are we so weird?
That next night just showed that you’ll always be there through thick and thin. Do you realize how much measure we have been through and how much we have done to see each other, yet alone talk to each other? And how worth it is. I wish we could have stayed longer that night. When you made me say, “We’re together.” I couldn’t explain how happy I got hahaha.
Every night when I would get home I had this feeling of being refreshed and I’ve never felt that good before in awhile. A long, long time.
That last night was just perfect. We spent seven hours together and it went by like….that. You know how to have fun Brittany. I mean Tiffany. Wow that was special. Seeing you smile so much was awesome!! Amazon. I mean Amazing. You showed me you really care last night and morning. When you strictly told me out of the blue, “We’re going to be alright,” and “We’re going to be fine,” multiple times, I’ve been waiting to hear those words in so long. That’s why I know for certain we’re going to be great! I look forward to making more memories because that span of five and a half days we’re perfect. Nothing went wrong and was ‘easy.’ hahaha.
You do so much to make other people feel like they should be him or herself. You’ve gone out of your way just to put a smile on my face and you probably don’t even notice the lengths you go because that’s just who you are. We both want each other just to be happy together. Together we’ll be happy. I know a lot now because of you and I want to keep learning.
See you soon. Very soon.
Your Creep J
Ps I would say sorry for it being so long even though you don’t like me saying sorry but I’m not because you deserved to hear all of this and that you deserve everything you ever even dream of Mr. H.