I haven’t always been a good person. I’ve done things I regret. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lied to people. I’ve been insecure. I’ve been overconfident.
But the one thing I’ll remember above all those bad things is having you in my arms. I’ll never forget what it felt like to lay with you beside me, warm, and snuggled up. The way our lips touched. The way I fit inside you.
The way you moaned. It haunts me.
And here I am in a world where you didn’t want any of that anymore. The one thing that kept me going is gone. I have to deal with that.
It’s not easy. I’m afraid I’ll drink myself to death one of these days.
On nights when I’m alone, I think of you. On nights when I’m fucking someone, I think of you. I see people who look a little bit like you, and I panic. It scares me. Just the thought of you being in front of me makes my heart skip. It almost makes me sick to my stomach. It rises up like I’m going to cry.
But it never comes out.
I don’t know what I’d do if it actually was you. I don’t want to know.
Supposedly I’m crazy for having so much trouble letting go.
Maybe I am. I just wanted you to know the only thing that makes me crazy is you.