2009 was an ugly year to say the least. 2009 until early 2011 was a shit show and i didn’t want to bring you into that. I knew early on that it was going to end ugly and it did.
It has taken me since February 2009 to forgive myself for what I did and i’m not even sure if i fully forgive myself yet….i’m not really sure if i ever will.
I’d like to let you know, who ever you were going to become, that the decision was not made easily. It took me 12 long weeks to bring myself to make a final decision. I promise it was better off for you though. you would of endured a life of fatherless birthdays and even if he was in your life he would of hurt you physically and emotionally as he did me.
I have my moments of worthlessness when i feel like i should of made a different decision but at nineteen, in college and working a part time job i couldnt of given you everything that i wanted to and more.
I hope you forgive me, maybe im also asking to forgive myself one day but i dont think that will ever happen.