I have been in love a few times, but after all the heartbreaks and the not so good times i chose to believe that there is nothing like love that exists. I was always the kinds to be bound with principles and never break what I felt was right. i am flamboyant, super romantic and love to see smiling faces around me. But when life acted mean I decided to break my own rules and follow the road less traveled. Once again I had fallen for a guy who carried me to wonderland but when reality struck i realized it was a pond of poop. I was very depressed, heartbroken, shattered but not weak enough to go back to him. I knew i had to take control of myself and not let myself feel so miserable. It was taking time but i was at it. At this time this guy walked into my life. I think meeting him was in my destiny. He was a friend of my ex but when we started chatting he was unaware about this fact. Our conversations grew and I became very fond of him. Then one day when i felt lying to him could break his heart, i disclosed my identity to him. Luckily it didn’t matter to him much, in fact it proved beneficial as i didn’t have to be pretentious any longer and could reveal myself to him. We met for the first time, he was so nervous and I probably rated him 6 out of 10. I don’t go on looks but on the overall personality and confidence. As i said he lost his points for being nervous: p . Our first meeting was mind blowing. At first he was uncomfortable but as time passed he loosened himself and felt more at ease. As days passed we went on to be extremely fond of each other, to the extent that we would be busy chatting, skype or messaging one another all day long. At this point I can say those were the best months of my life. He was absolutely naive, kid dish, and straight out of his virtual world, loved to play games, truly pure at heart these were his charms that attracted me towards him. Days passed and we grew stronger. I didn’t realize when we moved to the next level, so much so that I would give him goodbye kisses, hugs which later became goodbye caressing sessions. What’s funny is he wasn’t allowed to touch me, only I was allowed to caress him. The cuteheart he is, he never objected to that. I still remember, he got carried away once and tried to feel me. Later that night he apologized for his behavior. Time was flying and I was once again living a dream. I would stay up till late in the night to chat with him, rush from work to meet him as the clock stroked 6, think of him all day long, send him nonsensical messages, call him names, in short feel for him all the time. He too was enthusiastic enough, of course not as much as I was, but did look forward to hearing from me and meeting me all the time. Slowly we started hanging out with my friends, they’d tease me, pair us as couple, all of us would chill together, and in short I felt my world was so complete. But I didn’t realize all of this was leading to bigger problems. I don’t remember when the friendship between us became more than friendship. I had fallen for him with all my heart and there was no moving back. I confessed my feeling to him, only to realize that he didn’t feel of us as anything more than friends. I probably appreciated that more because he was so honest about it. None the less, I didn’t wana go and felt life should move on as it is. I didn’t care if we were not in a relationship or if he didn’t consider me his girl friend, on the contrary I didn’t care about anything. All I was concerned about was being with him, keeping both of us happy and caring for him. As time progressed I tried to suppress my feelings and not make him uncomfortable, but again I am a girl and I am emotional. Although I did not want to, time and again I did get scared sometimes thinking of what will happen when I have to let go off him. Oh! I think I forgot to mention that I am 4 years elder to him and my parents are restlessly looking out for a guy for me to get married. But I want to stay with this guy. I know its immature but till date I only keep looking for reasons to reject my prospective grooms just so that I don’t have to let him go. He did have a few online girl friends, one of which he was really serous for and the charmer he still is there are girls who want to be a part of his life. I never wanted to be a stalker girl friend nor did I dislike his friendship with his female friends, because we live in a society where girls and boys grow up together. I am not at all narrow minded nor possessive, but because he didn’t love me I felt I was intriguing in his life. Anyways, as time passed we did have a few brawls, but what’s best is he always kept his stand straight and never made false promises to me. None the less I loved the small initiatives he took in our friend ship and the way he made me feel special in his own ways. All that was more than enough for me. By now we had also started hanging out with his friends, another couple. Be out for house parties, to clubs, dancing close to him, walk hands in hands, getting to hug him and honestly feeling like two bodies but one soul. In the chilly winters of the city we would go back to his friends place and hug each other all night long and sleep, wishing that morning never came by. I loved those moments and would always wish that they’d never end.
I can go on and on and on, but no words are enough to express my feelings for him or the beautiful memories that I possess from the time we were together.
But times seem to have changed now. He’s no longer interested in me. Doesn’t revert to my messages or actions in a favorable manner. I am confused if I should still be a part of his life or just walk out of his life because he doesn’t want me in it any longer.
I can’t say this to him because it’ll only tamper our left over friendship but I have to confess for myself that I love him and I love him loads. I don’t want to bind him or force him to be with me. I can do anything in the world to see him happy and I pray to God that he may get the best in the world. All his wishes may come true and be blessed always.
P.S: He loves to edit my spelling mistakes and grammar ~_~