• Just because

    by  • May 23, 2012 • To You • 0 Comments

    I feel I need to write, though I’ve had a serious case of writers block for a week now, kicking my ass. So I saw these on a site and thought I’d do them just because. Maybe they’ll get my head clear and ready for some real writing.

    Dear person I hate,
    I don’t hate you, I *used* to, for quite a while, though I’ve forgiven you, I suppose this should be to you, anyhow. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I didn’t deserve ANY of the bullshit you put me through for three years. The abuse, the fighting, the cheating, the lying, your addiction(s)..I didn’t deserve any of it. I gave you my all, I put my heart and soul into our relationship just to get knocked down over and over again. I have never in my life felt more lonely, and sad and insane and hurt and torn and angry and crazy and unstable and on the verge of killing myself (or everyone else) in my entire life. And though it was a torturous time in my life, I -still- loved you more than anything. A year ago, I couldn’t imagine life without you. And now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I picked you, three years ago, chose you over him and it was by far the worst mistake I’ve ever made. However, I did walk away from that entire mess with some very valuable life lessons. It forced me to acknowledge my self worth and my well being. Just a year of being away from you my life has changed so drastically. I’m with the one who I should have chosen back then, I was a little bruised and a bit broken when I came to him, But he pieced me back together and everything is great. Thank you for treating me so horribly so I could see what I am really worth..?

    Dear person I like,
    I like you, I love you, I adore you, I look up to you, I respect you. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Don’t you ever stop being you!

    Dear ex boyfriend,
    All of you suck. And I have really bad taste in men..That is all.

    Dear ex bestfriend,
    I wish you would move back home so we could rekindle our friendship. You used to be the most important person in my life. Neither of us are making the effort to be okay again, And I’m not sure why. But I do miss you a whole hell of a lot.

    Dear bestfriend,
    It hasn’t been long since I’ve declared you my best friend, but I’m glad you came into my life. You’re important to me, you’re special to me and I see us being friends for the rest of this lifetime. Though you’re a bit younger than me and still have some growing to do, we still connect on most everything. I’ll always be here to guide you and help you through whatever comes your way.

    Dear *anyone*,
    I’ll never ever tell a soul what you used to do to me when I was younger. I’ll take it to my grave. I’ve always been terrified of someone finding out. You brought it up years ago, you asked me some ridiculous question that I’ll never be able to let escape my lips, I cant even repeat it to myself. I told you I didn’t want to talk about it, ever. And went on with my day. I know it eats at you, I know it troubles your mind at night. I know that’s why you drink so much. I know that’s why you whisper you’re sorry in your sleep, late at night. You should be sorry, it should eat at you, it should trouble you, It never should have happened. I was so young, you tainted me.

    Dear mom,
    I love you more than I could ever possibly try to express. You’re the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I know I’ve made lots of mistakes throughout my life, but I have to say, So far, I’m becoming a young lady that I like quite a bit, and it’s all because of you. You raised me well. You have instilled many morals and values into me. You helped mold me and shape me into the person I am today. I’m proud to say that I have a lot of you in me, I see it every day. In the choices I make, in the smile on my face, in the way I talk, In my gentle way…I’m a mini you(: I’ll be doing good if I grow to be half the woman you are, you’re amazing in every way and I thank you for raising me the way you did. You’ll always be my favorite.

    Dear dad,
    We’ve had our ups and downs throughout the years, I was angry at you my entire childhood, and even went almost a year without speaking to you. But now that we’ve both gotten older, our relationship is better, old wounds are healing. You’ve changed, I never thought you would, I never thought you were capable of change. But I’ve recently found that it is indeed possible. You’re not the same person, and I want to tell you that I am proud of you for becoming the man you should have been years ago. It took a while, (quite a while) but you got there. I love you and even when I was mad at you, I’ve always loved being your only girl. You treat me so special. I’ll always be your babydoll.

    Dear future me,
    You’ve been through so much, in such little time, I believe you can do absolutely anything you want to. You can get through anything life throws at you, just believe in yourself. Please. And always, always remember to stay strong. You’ll be okay(:

    Dear past me,
    You were so silly for thinking you couldn’t get through some of those major challenges life threw at you. Thank you for not giving up, even when you were at your lowest, finding it hard to hang on. I know sometimes you didn’t believe it, but I told you everything would be okay. I told you so.

    Dear person I’m jealous of,
    To everyone who doesn’t know what it’s like to not be able to step foot outside your home without turning right back around and running inside, To anyone who doesn’t know what it’s like to suffer from anxiety, I am jealous of you. Deeply. I just want to feel normal, and okay. I just want to be able to do every day tasks like going to the grocery store without having a panic attack. I’m working on it, though. I’m working on being okay and being normal and being a productive part of society and not being jealous of you norms.

    Dear boyfriend,
    You mean everything to me, I don’t know how I survived all this time without you. you’re the very best thing that has ever happened to me, I’m so very blessed to have you in my life. You truly saved me, you came to me when I was at my lowest, and pieced me back together. I owe you everything. I’m eternally grateful for all you have done for me. You’ve brought such a wholeness to my life I’ve never felt before and I cant even begin to thank you enough. But I can try my best, and I am so lucky that I have the rest of my life with you to repay you, and give back all that you have given me. I love you with all my heart and I cannot wait to build a life with you. You’re all that I want, you’re all that I need, you complete me. <3

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