It has been five years since we were together and I will tell you that of the thousands of people that I have met, it has never been like it was with us.

I’m starting to believe that it is never going to be.

Every year I wait for another you and it never comes. I am always unsure, or bored. I’m already gone before it begins. I am always ready to leave, or it is always a disconnect. A few times I have thought I have met someone just like you! Until they cannot move a room like you do, or they don’t do shots with me before we sing karaoke, or they don’t laugh at just the right time like you did and I know that I still have to look.

I’m never going to find you.

Do you know that after two years of being together, I would still lose my breath when I saw you and sometimes didn’t know what to say? I still wanted to know more about you and there was never enough time.

Where do I find someone that I love like that?

You sang remix to ignition to me and made me eat a sandwiches over the train because I’m too uptight. Who is going to pretend to snipe me when I meet them in a crowded place for lunch? Who is going to snap into my life like they were always meant to be there like you did?

There is no one.

We were stray animals that no one else understood and we were together in life- to me that was enough- me and my lovable mess up.

I am sorry that they sent you away when you were just a kid. If I could change one thing, I would be a little girl standing beside you, like I wish I could now, and just take your hand quietly. I would have gone away to boarding school with you, and stopped you from drinking in parking lots at school and caught your heart before it turned on yourself and on people who were going to love you like I do.

You changed my life in so many ways and learning how to lose you was one of my most painful and valuable lessons.

You said that you would be there on my wedding day, watching from somewhere that I cannot see. Like you promised, no matter what my head thinks, you will be the best friend in my heart my whole life. We had a language together that I will never forget.

- A girl who loves you