I get it, okay? You want me to move on. You want me to be happy. But there are things I need to get over, okay? I can’t get over what we had in one month. I need time…
We had so many memories that we shared, almost a year and a half.
Yes, I thought we’d last forever. We planned on where we’d go to college at, where we’d live, how many kids, I was thinking of names, we imagined our whole lives together… And it seems so real that I can almost touch it…
But then everything got ruined, and thrown all away.
Just like that.
*snap*
Yet you expect me to just forget everything and move on.
“You can only be happy if you let yourself”
Well do you think I want to be upset all the damn time?
Do you think I want to cry myself to sleep thinking of what we had?
Of course not. I don’t want any of this. But i’m stuck with it.
And now when I talk to you, I honestly feel like we’ve lost it all.
I thought we could remain friends… but I feel as if i’m that “crazy ex-girlfriend” that is always talking to you just because I wanted to keep in touch. But now I feel as if you never really want anything to do with me.
I mean, that one time you called my house. I thought you actually wanted to start a conversation with me for once! (I start them usually). But nope. When you answered the phone, you said you wanted to go outside to see me, cause you were ‘bored’. I’m only needed when you’re bored?
*sigh* Maybe I AM that crazy ex-girlfriend. But i’m SORRY for trying to talk to you. I’m SORRY for trying to save our friendship. I’m SORRY that I can’t get over what we had in one month, yet you got over it in a matter of days. I’m SORRY that I can’t move on.
…I sometimes wonder if our relationship was a lie the whole time…
I mean, everything seemed fairy-tale like a lot of the time. Things were “perfect”. Sure, we had our ups and downs, but it was like we were acting; neither of us expressing our true emotions, but instead, faking them for others to see. I don’t even know what to think…
And i’m sorry if i seem angry. I just don’t know what to think anymore… I’m trying to keep up our friendship, but it’s hard. We can’t even talk anymore. We don’t know what to say. We don’t know what to do when we see each other… we lost everything… *sigh*
I’m happy that you’re happy. That’s great. You should have dated her first though… and you knew what type of person I was, and you knew what my family was like the first time before we broke up, so i’m not sure why you went back to me… but then after I did those things, we fell apart. What happened to us? We hit rock bottom, and now i’m trying to wade my way through the debris while you’re up at the top again having the time of your life. I’m absolutely happy that you’re happy with Anika! Trust me!! She seems perfect. I’m glad that life is much easier for you in that aspect. But I dont’ know how to act around you anymore. I don’t want to seem like the “crazy ex-girlfriend”, yadda yadda yadda. So what the hell can I do? Do I try to fight for our friendship…
…or do I just let the loose ends fall, and leave them to forever be broken…?
I don’t know what to do anymore… I don’t want to interfere with your new lifestyle, and I feel like i’m holding you back from a new start, because I’M the reminder of the past… so what can I do?
*sigh* We should talk about this… I’m sorry… I don’t know what to do anymore… Things just seem so hopeless… I’m so sorry… ?