This is my third letter to you and it hasn’t become any easier. Its been two years since you’ve passed away mom. Two long years since you’ve gone and to be honest it’s killing me inside. It’s not getting better mom. I miss your voice, I miss your touch. Most of all I miss the way you used to look at me like the whole world didn’t matter because I was the one talking.
Mom, in my last letter I told you about the boy I met; the one. I married him this year and when all of our family came to the wedding and kissed my cheek all they could say was “You look just like your mother.” I had never been happier in my whole life mom. The thought that I could bring some ideal of what you are into the world still elates me. Mother, you were so generous and loving and the fact that others can see you in me brings me hope.
I couldn’t see the good for a long time Mom, it got better for a while, and then it gets worse. I have my ups and downs and I’m so glad that he understands. I think the worst thing is to look Dad in the face. Mom, he will never get over you. He lost his soulmate, his true love. The kind of love that only movies show is what you two have and he’s lost without you. I visit him as often as I can but I don’t know what to say, what to do. We sit in the silence and somehow it comforts him. I only wish that my husband and I can share such a everlasting love. Not for the sadness that comes at the end, but for that silence.
I don’t mean literal silence. I mean the kind of silence that makes it okay. The kind of silence that is comforting. It may not make any sense to you but when I think more and more of it, I want that in my life. And Mom, I have one more thing to tell you, something that you’ve always wanted for me because you never had the chance to do it. I got my degree!
I love you Mom, I want you to know that. I sincerely hope that you’ve gone to a better place. I want you to know that there are people here who will always miss you, who will always want to know of you. This love and adoration for you I just wish that my daughter or son has this for me. Mom you fought that cancer so hard with all that you were and I thank you for that time. You gave me the time I needed to grow up and realize everything that was going on.
In my head I will always be in that moment, when I held your hand and you smiled. That will be my happiness.