• why

    by  • April 13, 2012 • Goodbye • 0 Comments

    dear a

    i loved you…no i still love you with all my heart. you say im a typical male in the military. there’s nothing typical about me an you know that. you wouldn’t have fallen in love with me if i was. what you heard from me while i was here isn’t me and you know that. you just couldn’t handle being away from someone you love so much. chicka i love you i’ve loved you since i first laid eyes on you when i went in to get my hair cut from you. i loved you the few times we met after that. when i went into basic an buds an all my training i only thought of coming home to you and your son. i never wanna replace his father. i never knew mine, i never wanna take that away from him. chicka you have been the only person in my life, other than my best friend who is my brother, that knows my darkest secrets and still loved me. but you still wanted to hurt me and cut me and act like i didn’t care. or turn everything into my fault. what’s funny is you’re the only girl i could never get mad at ever, i don’t know why but i couldn’t. not only that i physically got sick every time we had a fight. you’ve helped me through so much but between you and combat..you’ve put me through a worse hell. how can you tell a man on father’s day that you were pregnant then lost it and when his chain of command was gonna send him home to be with you. you got pissed cuz you lost sleep. if you would have answered the phone once then i wouldn’t have kept trying to call you in the middle of the night. and why do i still love and miss you so damned much? i just don’t get it. why? you are the most beautiful girl in the world you’re 3 times smarter than me and i admire you. i admire every decision you ever made. i love you so much because you’re so strong you are the perfect woman for me but somehow i blew it when i was on my 2 week that you knew about for months cuz you asked me almost every time we talked. and when i come home and text you again on the first day. not even seconds being off the plane you don’t text back till i have hours left before i go back an i’m the bad guy cuz i couldn’t see you, i was with my family you and i was trying to work on getting back together but every time we talked since the first break up you didn’t wanna open up again and i tried i tired so hard to get you to even have a small convo with me but you refused. i even talked about things you loved to talk about but all i got was you know me and i’m busy. for months the same reply. i’ve written books of poems for you since we been together and you know how hard it was for me to get back into my artistic side. i wrote songs full songs not just lyrics. and i have at least 10 sketch books all of you and kai and us..us getting married an having a house and a life. you kept me sane. even when i was broken you put the pieces back together. even when i was blown up or shot or the countless surgeries to remove shrapnel or bullets you were the person on my mind that kept me alive. i made a promise to you that i would come back to you alive. and now you’ve made me a liar. i can’t come back to you at all now. because somehow i screwed up an i don’t know how but i did. whatever chicka i love you and probably will still love you till the day i die because of all you’ve done for me.

    goodbye my love i hope you have a great life with all the assholes you keep running back to.

    love always
    your homie g poptart skitlle skillet, drew

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