Dear L,

3 years ago you took something from me that I will NEVER get back; my virginity. We had gone to the movies that night to see The Last House On the Left. I called my mom telling her where I was going, and she had warned me that it was extremely graphic but we went anyway. As soon as that scene came on, I curled up into a ball and plugged my ears because I never wanted to see a girl being raped. The night was good and you drove me home knowing my family was on vacation. You walked me to my front door, and that’s where it all began…

The next thing I knew, I was on my hardwood floor with my shirt ripped off and you were working on my pants. I was paralyzed with fear. Soon, we were on my family room couch. I kept asking you what you were doing but I received no answer. You kept going at it until you got the satisfaction you were looking for. Afterwards, you left me on that couch hurt, bruised, and scarred. That couch. My family still owns that couch. And every time I come home from college and expect to spend time with my family, I’m forced to sit on that couch. I’m forced to relive that horrific night that began so wonderfully. I’m forced to walk through the front door where it all began. I’m forced to place my shoes on the hardwood floor where I had been pushed down onto so recently. You took everything.

It’s now 3 years later, almost 4, this August. I bet you thought that I would forget about it, right? Wrong. It took me two years to tell my best friend what had happened. I didn’t even mean for it to come out, but it did during a fight. I needed to tell someone. You left me emotionless, speechless, and confused. Until I told my best friend, I convinced myself it was my fault for hanging out with you and it was my fault that you had walked me to my door. She made me realize that none of this was my fault and that you were the scum bag.

Do you know that you’ve never left my head? 4 years have passed and not a day goes by where you invade my thoughts. You’ve taken everything from me, including my peace of mind. Each time a guy becomes interested in me, it takes a few of my closest friends to convince me that nothing will go wrong. I’m always thinking that something will happen when I’m alone with a guy. Do you want to know why? Because you were my best friend and you raped me. How could I trust another guy when you were the one I trusted most and you broke that trust?

Two months ago I went on my first date. I’m 20 now. I’ve finally realized what I deserve in a relationship even though we aren’t together. He’s taught me so much and showed me how great of a person I am. Even though we’re friends now, I know he’ll always be there for me. I told him about you. You probably don’t care what he thinks though because I was just an object to you. The friends that I’ve made in college don’t know everything about me and I don’t want them to. Only the few know and that’s because you’ve planted yourself inside me. Sometimes, I break down because of you but I can’t let anyone see. You’ve made it so hard to express myself. It should be easy to express myself because music is my passion. You almost took that away from me too, but I’ve been fighting back to keep that passion with me.

Surprisingly, I don’t wish anything bad upon you. I just hope you realized what you’ve done to me and haven’t ruined someone else’s life.

A