You don’t even know
by admin • April 10, 2012 • Resentment • 2 Comments
You don’t even know
How I had to stop crying and force myself to sound calm when I answered the phone
How I was only half listening and half thinking about all the things I wanted to say to you
You are his only friend
You are his only friend, and you made fun of him, you stole his girl
He hates me for that
I’m infertile, she’s not
She’s kind and respectful, her family has given you the life of luxury.
I’m just a bitch trying to rip him away from his whole life
You have a healthy kid from 2 weeks of trying
I have broken memories of miscarriage just weeks before your kid was born
You get paid every month from “disability” because your mom was murdered when you were a kid so you have “ptsd”
He was raped by his dad, was beat and abused his entire childhood, watched his mom do meth for years, and is only clean for a year now
You lay around at home smoking weed, playing with your kid, and playing video games while you make money from that shit
He spends over 12 hours a day out of the house working his ass off so we can eat
And yet you’re the one who complains to him? What do you have to complain about?? You don’t even know what’s going on in his life why do you have the right to whine to him about how your life sucks?
And why the fuck is it ok to make fun of me being infertile?
Do you know he fucking beats me because of it?
He looks at me and he wishes I were the girl you stole
He sees your life as the life he should have had
He was supposed to have a 1 year old right now, not you
He hates me
because of you
and all I want to do is tell you all of this, I want to let you know everything
how he’s thinking about not talking to you because you keep rubbing your perfect life in his face
Why did you even think it was ok to talk to me?
I only answered to tell you that he wasn’t here
I wanted to tell you he wouldn’t call you back, or talk to you again
but he would hate me for that too
I have to be nice to you… or he would hate me
I don’t even know who he would pick between us
Most of the time he would pick you
Do you have any idea how hard it is not to call you up and cuss you out?
How hard it is not to tell you how fucking ugly your kid is
I
Fucking
Hate
You
Plain and simple.
I hate your guts
Don’t talk to me again
I was never your friend
I’m done being polite to you too
I hope to never hear from you again
I wish pain and hardship on you
Stop rubbing your easy life in our faces
Complaining to us when we’re losing our home is a bad idea
Complaining about not having an Easter with family when you have a kid to celebrate it with
We’re 600 miles away from any family, our Easter was spent moving into a shitty little room and cleaning
mourning the loss of our first child
why can’t you see that we’re in pain and just leave us alone?
You need to leave your husband. There is no excuse for beating you. Stop blaming it on his friend and his family–this is HIS problem and you both need to stop making excuses for it. Tell him if he can’t get over your infertility and help YOU recover from your sorrow and miscarriage, and if he won’t/can’t stop beating you, then you are going to leave and find someone better. TRUST ME–you can and you will.
aw babe its never a good idea to have a child with a man who beats you… you think he’s gonna act any different towards the kid?
i feel like the person you’re writing this to isn’t what’s really the problem… the problem is the “man” who thinks its okay to lay a hand on you because of something you can’t control, thats the one who you should be calling an asshole and cutting ties with.