Every second you waste not telling me about her just confirms how much you really don’t want to hurt me. And I’m not sure if I should love that or not. What if I didn’t know at all? Well you think I don’t know. And wouldn’t that hurt me all the more since you waited to tell me? I’m sort of glad I know already, though, because now I don’t get freaked out when you don’t reply. I know why now. But what if I never got on facebook last night? Eventually, I would’ve gone to your facebook for the shock of my life.
And how long are you going to wait anyway? You’re clearly not going to tell me through text. Are you going to wait till we skype? Or are you going to hide it the whole time? What’s your plan? Skype is what I’d do and what I want you to do but I wonder if you think that’s a bad idea.
She’ll probably cry, right? She might get mad. What will you do? Sit there and watch her wallow in her own sadness? Luckily for you, she already let our her sobs to her ever-caring cousin last night. Luckily for you, she has a forgiving heart even though this is the second time you’ve led her on and turned around and went with another girl instead.
She doesn’t expect you to wait for her forever but she does expect you to be honest with her, no matter what. She doesn’t want to hide anything. She wants your personality to blend into her’s. She wants to be close as possible. It’s not an obsession; she loves you. Can’t you see that? Of course you can. You’d be an idiot if you didn’t. And she doesn’t blame you for her heart break. It was obvious all along you had someone else, yet she was too blind to see.
And although it’s not your fault for her heart break, you did let it go that far. You let her lose her innocence. Her precious innocence and for what? To leave her aside while you go sleep with someone older, closer, more beautiful and perfect than she? Is she really that much better than her? Were you lying when you told her she was perfect just the way she is? Is she really beautiful in your eyes? Or was that a lie to woo her?
I pray to god what you’ve said was true. I don’t peg you as a guy to lie about that because I’m sure you care about her, but dating another girl is a very good way to make her doubt how you feel about her. I hope you realize that. And your fake lack of interest to ward her off when you have a girlfriend isn’t good stragedy. She doesn’t know why you’re being like this. You need to tell her. You need to be honest. Don’t hide things from her. Because when you stop hiding everything, she’ll stop hiding it all too. Her love for you is a dam waiting to break. It’s prepared to burst. The cracks aren’t holding very well anymore. The water is still coming out, drop by drop, waiting for the right moment to make a break through.
It’s going to wash over you like a needed, luke-warm shower, or, it’s going to wash over like an unwanted cold splash. What you choose it to be is your own choice. But what ever you pick is going to effect her in a dramatic way. Be careful Honey.
Her heart is in your hands and she’s silently begging you to be gentle with every soft word she utters through Skype. Every innocent text message is just begging you to be gentle and loving. That’s all she ever wanted you to be towards her.
My love, this girl is me. I’m begging you to stay somewhere close by. Don’t throw it all away after it’s gotten so far. Don’t end this now. Wait for me. . .Be there with your strong, open arms. Hold me tight agaisnt your chest. Tell me everything is going to be O.K. Promise me you’ll always be there. Kiss me when you’re single. Take my virginity away from me. Don’t let someone else steal it. I can’t think of anyone else I trust with it except you. Do you realize how much you mean to me?
You were the reason I woke up every morning this past month with a smile on my face. You’re the reason I would smile genunially for the first time again in a year. You were the reason I’d laugh. You were the reason I opened myself up to other people. You have always been the reason for my existence. And I hate that.
I can’t rely on you forever. I know that. I sit here and begin to weep because I know I’m going to loose you soon enough.