It’s a vicious circle isn’t it? I really thought I’d be married by now. But I’m not and that’s ok. It’s like the more I try to better myself the deeper I get into this “trap.” In my fantasy world I see the sky as the limit and have no fear of losing anything and all the confidence I really could ever need but the bottom line is all I want is to do it on my own. It’s irrelevant but true. Regardless, with each step I take I veer off into separate directions and never accomplish anything because I find with each new experience its trumps the previous one and I think back to why that could be. I’m not sure but it’s confusing. So in fantasy land there are these guys and I can’t have them or they’re dating other people but to me they’re mine. It’s sick and twisted but I see them as attainable. There is one who kisses my hand, one who kisses my soul and one who kisses my bank account. Well, that’s kind of true. Anyways, I sit here alone pondering what it is I have to do to break free from all of this… But i’m afraid if I do I will regret it but then again all i’m doing is protecting the person who got me in this position and i’m so sick of protecting him. Call me back.