I know you’ll never see this but I really don’t know what to do anymore. Why can’t I forget you? God knows how hard I’ve tried. I think about you all the time. You hurt me more than anyone ever has in my 21 years of existence yet I still love you with everything in me. I realize now that you never really cared about me because if you did, you wouldn’t be doing this to me. You would have had the decency to at least tell me you don’t want to be with me anymore instead of ignoring me randomly. But you’ve always done these kinds of things, I can’t say I’m surprised but I am hurt.
Do you remember all the conversations we had and how we talked about everything that came to mind? You use to call me and text me every single day. Remember when we went to that park that day and I sat on your lap on the bench and you told me “You know I’m starting to like you more and more everyday”. You have no idea how happy that made me. Or when we were waiting for the bus that night and it was so cold and you were holding me so tight at the bus stop, I swear I never wanted to let you go. When you kissed me that first time I felt like I was dreaming. Every kiss with you was like bliss.
Or that time when we were drinking and I got sick and you were calling me a rookie, then half an hour later you got sick too lol. But you took care of me and when you came to kiss me I said “Don’t I just puked” and you were like “I don’t care” and you grabbed me and kissed me.
Clay I miss you so much, I wish you wouldn’t have done this. I feel like you used me and then left me. Exactly what you said you wouldn’t do. I guess I wasn’t good enough for you to want me past the sex. I know one day you’ll realize that I truly cared about you and I loved you. I tried to show you how much but I guess you don’t care. I should hate you for the way you treated me but I can’t. You probably think I do from the last texts I sent you but what do you expect me to say when you completely ignore me.
You were the first love of my life, the first guy to make my heart beat and no one can ever replace you. I have to move on with my life though and by you acting this way and not talking to me, you’re making it a bit easier.
As time passes memories fade but my memories of you are forever engraved in my heart and mind. No matter what happens in my life I will always remember that there was this guy named Clayton who I loved more than I love myself but apparently it just wasn’t meant to be. I hope God watches over you and keeps you safe my love. I will love you forever.