• I fucking hate you

    by  • March 29, 2012 • Hatred • 3 Comments

    I’ve spent countless hours here writing pathetic come back letters to you for the past 10 months. I caved in and did something I swore I wouldn’t do. I got in contact with you, finally. The gist of our first conversation was that you miss me too. We’ve been talking on and off for a while now, despite the fact that you still had many strings attached to many other girls and I had someone of my own as well. We’ve had a few heartfelt-cry our eyes out conversations. We both agreed that we still felt the same as we always have. I just spoke with you last week, you told me that you missed me, you were trying to convince me to come see you soon. You said that you missed my body next to yours. Now, you’ve found a new girl to toy with and after three days you’re suddenly “in love”. Well that’s okay, that’s alright with me. I told myself that I wanted you to be happy. *I’m* happy after all…You should be too. But no, I don’t really feel that way. You’ve been blowing me off for three nights now, you’re with your girlfriend, I assume. I don’t really care. It’s not the fact that you have her. Or anyone for that matter. It’s the fact that just last week I was your “soul mate” And now you’re acting as if I dont even exist. -Sigh- Some things never fucking change. I’m having a really hard time dealing with life at the moment. I’ve fallen into this consuming depression again and all I wanted last night was for you to talk me through the night. But no. Couldn’t even get a reply from you. Not even one word. Not even a ‘fuck off” or a “I’m busy” . Nothing, absolutely fucking nothing. I said out loud today “I want him to be happy” and it literally made me sick. I dont feel that way, not at all. You shouldn’t be happy. You dont deserve to be happy. I’M supposed to be happy. Not you. It’s not fair. I’ve been through hell and back with you for three years, I’ve been through more bullshit with you in three fucking years than any one person should have to deal with through out a life time. The least you could do is be there for me when I’m falling apart. I kinda feel like you owe me. If I could take back those three awful years of my life I would. And I would waste them on someone worth my fucking time. I fucking hate you. I’ve never been able to actually say that and mean it until now. I hate you so much it makes me ill. It’s a hate full of so much passion, a hate that I love to feel inside me. It’s a -take over every thought- kind of hate. A -devour me whole and spit me out- kind of hate. It’s boiling inside me, I picture it like a monster lurking in the depths of my soul. Blackening everything in my little being that it comes in contact with. It’s almost reached my heart. I’m on the verge of killing everyone around me or just killing myself. I’m not okay anymore and I’m having a hard time remembering the last time I really felt okay. You took so much from me. I hate you. I’ve kept all of this to myself so far, I feel like I’m about to burst at the seams with this sickness exploding out of me. My tongue is bleeding but all of this is about to come spewing from my fucking mouth. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I just want to scream. I fucking hate you and I hate me too.

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    3 Responses to I fucking hate you

    1. Rose
      March 29, 2012 at 10:40 am

      I can somewhat relate to this.

      Once upon a time, an on again off again exboyfriend proposed to me out of the blue and like a fool I took him seriously. Maybe a week later he was acting like the whole thing never happened. In retrospect, he was probably just trying to get laid. I made it through by yelling loudly with my sister about how all men are evil and then proceeding to date his best friend.

      I know that doesn’t really help…. Anyway, that guy is a jerk.




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    2. sitebanis
      November 15, 2014 at 6:40 am

      fuck him. find a passion and use your hate to turn it into motivation to pursue it. make things happen in your life.




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    3. drunk enough
      November 15, 2014 at 11:30 am

      @Rose – How are you now? Would be nice to hear from you.
      @author – I read your post, because @sitebanis quoted you now. How are you now? Would be nice to hear from you too.

      Love both of your posts.

      A pathetic stranger, who can relate in some way.

      Please notice that your post was a good post to someone. Keep writing!




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