i want to yell at you. scream at you. tell you about how awful you make me feel about myself. tell you how shitty of a friend you are. push you so you stumble a little. make you feel bad for all the HELL you put me through. then i want you to pull me in close. i want you to hold me and never let go. i will soak your shirt in tears. you won’t yell. you won’t scold. you’ll just hold me. you’ll kiss my forehead and look me in the eyes. “are you okay?”, you’ll ask. i’ll shake my head. you’ll pull me back in. i’ll cry some more. and the past will never be repeated.
but only in my fantasy.