• It Was All Me

    by  • March 28, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Art of the Letter • 0 Comments

    For two years now, I have thought about that July 5th day. The day where I was stupid enough to tell you goodbye. The day when I lost my best friend. The day when I had no idea what I was doing. Yes, things were complicated. We were in two different states. You were working, I was working, and we were both trying to make the relationship work. But, it just couldn’t. Not talking to you was the hardest thing that occurred during our relationship because we were both so busy. So I called you the morning of July 5th and you knew something was up. I was crying already because my heart was broken and I knew yours was about to be as well. You didn’t say much. Just that you needed to go. At that point, I wanted to drive to St. Louis to see your face, to hold you, to kiss you, to tell you I was sorry, but I couldn’t. We are supposed to be friends now, but is that really true? We try, but no matter how hard I try to forget what happened, it flashes back every time. The late nights, the holding hands, the date nights, you singing me to sleep while holding me. I had it good, and I let it go. To this day, I seem to always have some kind of regret. But in the back of my mind, I know it wouldn’t work us being states away. The distance was too hard. It drained both of us mentally and physically trying to make time for one another. I know we have talked about this multiple times, and I know that I am seeing someone else and you are dating someone else, but what if always flashes through my mind. I have no doubt in my mind things would of been better if I would of stayed in the same state, but I couldn’t. I had to go home, and you understood that, but I feel like I missed it all up. You say that some times you feel guilty, like it is all your fault. I tell you it’s not, it’s just as much my fault as it is yours. But that’s not the case. It was me. It was my fault. I’m the one who said goodbye. No matter what happens, I will always love you and I will be there for you whenever you need me.

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