If someone had told me I was going to take a yoga class a year ago, I would’ve laughed in their face. In fact, my best friend kept inviting me to join in on one of her classes in her town, and I did exactly that. I was not comfortable with the concept of me doing yoga. I just kind of viewed yoga in a taboo way, in a sense of how would I ever actually enjoy contorting my body in awful poses. So I just brushed the idea off and didn’t think about it anymore. That is until I registered for my classes in July.
This past year I have made many personal changes in my life, including sobriety from drugs, removing negative influences from my life and making new friends. I have grown in many areas of my life this past year, and my strength has been tested many times. This has not been an easy year. I struggle with depression and anxiety, although not many can tell since my ADHD gets the best of me. I prefer to not take medication for any of my diagnoses though, because they zombie me out. But this year, I had to walk away from a bad boyfriend, best friend of twelve years, and my father was recently laid off in August. I’m used to chaos. I’m used to drama. I’m used to negativity. I’m used to never taking a break in my day to just stop and breathe. So with that being said and all the stress I’ve endured these past months I signed up for your Yoga class because the thought of me in Pilates or Aerobics was a really ugly one. I had no idea what to expect at first. I recruited Emily to taking the class with me, because I thought it would be a fun thing to do together. I was a little nervous when I started this course. I kept asking myself why I was there in the first place. Seeing how I paid for it though and I needed the credit, I decided to go along with it.
In September, I thought “this is ridiculous.” But I knew I had a purpose for signing up for this class. When I look at my journal, it makes me laugh now. All of my beginning entries are all about me complaining that I’m sore, or that my wrists, hamstrings, and back hurt. I had a lot of trouble with letting go, and focusing on my body, and just breathing. Relaxing has never been something I’ve been good at. Neither has silence. I’m probably the most ADHD child the Lord has ever created. So sitting there in silence and focusing on my breath was probably the most boring, and hardest thing I’ve had to do this semester. But as the weeks progressed I began to find myself getting a little stronger, and my flexibility was even improving. My balance became more stable. I saw that I was actually getting better at stretching, and being able to reach my toes when I would fold. I started to become comfortable with actually sitting still for more than five seconds, and closing my eyes and focusing on my breaths during relaxation time. I stopped dreading my sun salutations at the beginning of class so much. I will admit that some days it was really hard to focus and care about all of the different poses, and giving it my best. Some days I really just wanted to not attend the class due to exhaustion and soreness. But now that I am at the end of the semester I can actually tell you it wasn’t that bad. I even enjoyed it! I feel a lot better at the end of the class, and more energized. Maybe I should wake up and do some yoga instead of drinking a redbull every morning! I am appreciative for all of tranquility that yoga has given me. In a lot of ways this yoga class has reflected the last year for me. I started off weak, but now I’m getting a little stronger each and every day. My change of strength hasn’t been the easiest at times, but I am continuing to grow, and to find that peace throughout this journey.