• I wish I could say these things..

    by  • March 26, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 5 Comments

    Dear A,
    I feel bad for you. I realize now how much I lead you on. I thought I loved you but now I know I never did. I wanted to love you because I knew you were a good person and would never hurt me. But, if I am being honest here, you were safe. You would never be able push me to be a better person, or challenge me in the ways I need a boyfriend too. You weren’t my fairytale, I couldn’t see a life with you. Looking back on it, I feel bad because I was embarrassed to say you were my boyfriend for the longest time. I know it’s completely shallow and horrible, but I was never sexually attracted to you. When we had sex, I just wanted it to be over. I thought that would change the more we were emotionally connected. I know now that, that doesn’t happen and I need to have the attraction in a relationship. I also hated the way you spent so much money on me. It made me uncomfortable all the time. You didn’t have the money to be spending like that and I think it made me resent you. Also, you are way too emotional and sensitive for me. I felt like the guy in the relationship. I hated how you would write me poems and little notes. I told you I liked them because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings but really I thought it was too much. And now that were broken up and you keep putting up statuses about how you’re so miserable and turning it in to metaphors, well, vomit. You really need to stop, you’re just embarrassing yourself. I feel bad for you but your not doing yourself any good by doing that. You need to let me go, stop pitying yourself and move on. I’m sorry if I come across as a cold hearted bitch, but that’s who I am sometimes. And maybe you’re not as in love with me as you think, you’re just in love with who you think I am. You should know, I am seeing someone else.

    5 Responses to I wish I could say these things..

    1. Natalie
      March 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm

      Thank you for writing this. He deserves someone who will love his sensitivity, his compassion and adorable poems. Although they may not be the sweetest or most meaningful poems to you, they will be to someone who wants his attention, affection and finds his quirks meaningful.
      You will find someone too and I wish you the best. You will find someone who loves your quirks and your affection. Just please if you have to break his heart, do it kindly. I would hope that if you were given a breakup, with someone you were so intimately involved with that you would be treated with kindness, compassion and tenderness.

      Thank you for writing this.

    2. C
      March 27, 2012 at 7:21 am

      I understand.

    3. febberz
      March 27, 2012 at 8:28 am

      I was in this exact situation, except we didn’t have sex and he did have money. Those are the only two differences; his name even began with an A. He was supposed to be perfect but just wasn’t. Even then I thought I had it all figured out when the next guy came along (not that I’m a slag!) – I thought I needed someone who I could love but would also get on my nerves. He still wasn’t right.

      I’m learning. You’re learning. We’re all learning. I left a post on here yesterday although I’m not sure it’s been moderated yet, which basically says how someone told me that relationships are like words: you just have to keep trying until you find the right ones.

      I wish you well!

    4. amj
      April 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

      heh, curiously enough, I actually have been over you for quite some time. if you cared to know shit about me, which you don’t, you’d know that my mother was fighting breast cancer since october. but you’re a vain, cold, heartless bitch, and I hope you find happiness despite that. just take your vain shit elsewhere – you don’t know me and please .. please don’t be so arrogant as to presume my problems have anything to do with you anymore. we could be friends someday. I still believe that. But watch your vanity, little missy, as it will be the downfall of us all.

    5. T
      April 3, 2012 at 6:16 am

      I can 100 percent garuntee this is not about you.. My ex’s Mom has been gone for quite some time now. I’m sorry if you’ve had similar problems.

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