last week my best friend of 15 years got her first boyfriend. i’ve never had a boyfriend.
i’m one of those girls who nobody wants, my best friend would always say this about herself and i would tell her over and over that she is beautiful and i would hold her and say there is somebody out there waiting for you, she never did the same for me.
if a guy smiles, laughs at something i say or just talks to me.. i fall for him. well not really, i just say that because I’m lonely.
my best friend and i would talk about the consequences if one one of us got a boyfriend and the other was single. we promised that we would never leave the other one out, make them feel like a third-wheel or simply stop spending time with them.
i now know, these were lies.
she promised me. i promised her.
she has been dating him for 5 days and already she has left me behind and shut no slammed the door in my face.
she doesn’t have time for me anymore.
don’t you remember when you cried your eyes out when the last two guys lead you on, who was there to pick up your broken pieces, who made you smile, feel good and laugh when nobody else cared about you. yes, it was me.
i love you so much and I’m always here to heal you but i have problems too, i need help, i can’t do this on my own, i need you.
i’ve try doing it solo but its too hard. i give and give. I’m falling.
i need you more then ever, I’m lonely, self-conscious and feel numb.
i am happy for you.
he is lovely, you are perfect for each other.
I just need my best friend, even if its just for a couple of days.
i want to laugh with you again, turn the volume up to 46 while you drive and i’ll sing as loud as i can out the window to passing cars and small school children.
i want you.
i don’t want you lose him, but could you please hold me while i cry and let everything out?
i need you to patch me up, i need your shoulder to lean on, i want you fix me.
and you know what? i wouldn’t mind finding a boy who will love me and hold me too.
please don’t leave me behind, please.
i need you to shine the light so i can find you my darkness.
i want the feel again.
i want to love.
i want to smile again.
i want to laugh again.
i just want to hear the words: ”I’m here for you” ”everything will be okay” ”i love you”
sincerely, your loving
best friend, m