• My World is Too Much Less Without You

    by  • March 25, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning • 0 Comments


    I had thought that my brain would be done with you by now, but it is not. & I live a happy life. I have no complaints. None. Except that we are not friends. The key points are as follows: 1) I am in the position to handle WHATEVER situation you are in in your life, 2) this friendship would be a drama-free zone, 3) I am deeply, truly, genuinely sorry for any pain that I may have caused either you or your former wife during the delicate time following your divorce, 4) I accept responsibility for all things for which I am responsible (unfortunately for you, I have no jewelry stashed away that I can send your way), and 5) if you accept my invitation to pursue a friendship with me, it would commence very discretely (i.e. under no circumstances, would your former wife find out about it {unless you yourself were to tell her}).

    People don’t change (not entirely), but people strive for change, and I’m a striver. If you truly knew me, you would know this. My divorce left my life in complete and utter chaos. The loneliness was immeasurable; I was emotionally paralyzed. The chaos has passed. It is smooth waters here, Pepsi-Cola in bed. I would like you to respond to my e-mail and to start a dialogue with me. I know that you are hesitant. I know why you are hesitant. I respect your hesitancy. At the same time, knowing you is so important to me that, if you don’t e-mail me, I will place a call to the work number that I have for you (don’t even know what department you work in anymore) so that we can actually speak to one another (the way the telecommunications God intended anyway). I would not call you to harass you; I would call you because I know in my heart that a dialogue with you (for both of us) is necessary & good). You may have no belief in me. You may view me as worthless or needless. You may think that I am the worst thing that ever happened to you. You may wish that I would fuck off & die a messy, suffer-laden death. You may view a friendship with me as the least desirable thing in the known universe. You’re just wrong though. The funny thing about friendships is that some of them start out because one person (Sarah C. B.) has enough faith for two people. & so, a friendship begins. I continue to miss you & want to stop missing you (Jesus Christ, I want it off of my fucking chest.) . . . & befriending you seems to be the only way.


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