The change of school was hard for me you know? I am now in a school were i don’t know anyone. A school far away from my friends. I don’t talk to them anymore. And they don’t seem to mind much. That’s how i felt a few months back.
After that i made friends of course. Friends that i treasure. But i hadn’t realized how very lonely I was until you came around. And the thing is that, you’ve always been there. I just hadn’t noticed. You helped me when I needed it the most. And I am so very thankful for that.
I am terrified of relationships you know? I told you. And you said it was okay with you, that you were happy with ‘what we have’. I just don’t know what it is. I like you as in more-than-a-friend way and i’m pretty sure you like me that way too but, we are too open minded and I think that we’ll never reach a stable relationship.
I’m afraid of compromises and I try not to make them. And a relationship is a very big compromise if you ask me. And i’m so very afraid that it won’t last.. that i’ll do something wrong. You believe in polygamy and i respect that, but I just won’t share you with anyone else. I’m pretty sure you know that.
You are so sweet.. i would have never guessed in a million years that you had a sweet side. And Oh do I love it. It is the best part of you. It is as if you let the walls that protect you from others come down just for me. Just so i can meet the real you.
You said that you loved my hands. That you felt safe and secure when you were holding them. I don’t know why! What can a 15 year old girl protect a 17 year old boy from? I am the one who feels safe around you. I feel happy.
I guess that what i’m trying to say is that, i’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of getting attached. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’m afraid of not being good enough for you. And it hurts.