• Which Path to Follow?

    by  • March 22, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning • 4 Comments

    I should be awake thinking about him, but instead I’m thinking of you. I feel guilty about that. He is my husband. He’s in my life. I should be worried about him. I should be thinking about tomorrow with him, not tomorrow with you.

    Today, I felt so selfish. I had such conflicting feelings. I am so far from him. When he talked to me, I just wanted him to shut-up. I helped him out of obligation. Some will say that is love, but I don’t believe it is.

    I’m only with him for the kids. Only. I really realized that when he got hurt. I realized it when I couldn’t feel empathy or sympathy for his situation, only for how it has spoiled things. Maybe I’m narcisstic and rude to think this way, or maybe I’m just human.

    I was lying in bed thinking of touching you. I was thinking of what it would feel like to hold you and kiss you. I could literally feel your arms wrapped around me, and I felt comfort. I know you feel it. I can feel you opening up to me about things. We can talk about everything, and I love that about you. I just wish I could feel that way about him. Am I blocking the feeling or was it never there?

    4 Responses to Which Path to Follow?

    1. Rose
      March 23, 2012 at 5:51 am

      I wouldn’t call that love. Who would call that love?

      Just keep in mind that it’s easy to idealize someone when you don’t have to deal with their dirty laundry.

    2. screw********
      March 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      You know I love you <3

    3. that girl
      March 23, 2012 at 3:59 pm

      Yeah I would have to agree with Rose on that one.

    4. L
      March 24, 2012 at 5:07 am

      It isn’t love. It’s obligation. But I’m tired of it. He always makes me feel guilty. He makes me feel like I’m the one to be blamed for everything. The other one is just a diversion and nothing has even happened. A fantasy because it is not reality. Time to move on…

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