• I wish…

    by  • March 22, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    I wish I had known your past when I met you. I’ve been wondering what happened. We met at the end of the summer and dated for several weeks. And then one day you told me not to fall in love with you. You told me you were trying to protect me. And I’ve wondered what happened to make things go from great to such an abrupt ending. I later found out from someone else you had recently broken up with your girlfriend.

    I wish I knew what you want when I see you. We see each other around. And I can tell you still want me. You can tell I still want you. Perhaps you are afraid I liked you too much. Though I never really told or showed you that I liked you. But somehow you figured it out anyways or perhaps it was a lucky guess. I always feel like you are ignoring me when we run into each other. But perhaps, just like I don’t know how to interact with you, you don’t know how to interact with me. But the attracting is still there and stronger than ever as evidenced by our couple of sporadic hookups since you ended things.

    I wish you weren’t graduating in May. I don’t know where you’re moving to though I guess you’ll probably be within a couple of hours drive. But I understand that this is a second time of bad timing because you aren’t going to start anything up now.

    I wish we had met at a different time. Even a few months later. But that didn’t happen. And now I have to decide how to leave it with you. Do I try to enjoy these last couple of months and let you know I’m down to have fun at night? Or do I have just one last amazing night with you and leave you with that memory? Or should I just try to be friendly with you and leave you questioning what if (and secretly hope we can leave communication open for the future)?

    I wish I didn’t want you so much. I know I’ll probably spend one last night with you one last time because when we kiss, it’s on. It’s so intense and you melt my insides with a kiss, a touch, a whispered something. And I want that to be my last memory I leave you with. A night that I rock your world, so you wonder what you gave up.

    I wish you would’ve told me why you ended things so abruptly. Several months later you know I’m still into you. Perhaps you stay away from me because you know I want something more even if I could pretend otherwise. But hearing about the girls in your past, they were crazy girls. And I know I’m much better than them, so why was I the one pushed aside?

    I wish I didn’t like you so much because you will be one of the guys I’m going to wonder what if. And I know you’re not open to that right now. I hope one day you could be. And I wish I knew if this was possible in the future because then I’d try to be your friend. But perhaps I should just leave you with the memory of how amazing of a person I am. And hope the next guy I meet, the timing will be right. But I secretly hope you realize the timing can be right before it’s too late.

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