• I want you, but I don’t…

    by  • March 21, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    Dear Best Friend,

    You are the one who decided that, to be best friends, that is. I really didn’t care what you called it. You were interesting to talk to, and sometimes you could help me sleep, when nothing else could. But things have transformed, my thoughts always seem to come back to you. I don’t know what it is about you, I know that I would never date you. I know that I would never be in a relationship with you, and we both know it’s because of your height. I know I don’t want you, and I know I could have you if I really did.

    But the fact that I don’t want you doesn’t change how I feel. I can remember everything that has happened, every touch, every brush, and every embrace. I remember that first night you stayed up with me holding me and giving me riddles tell five a.m. because I was too upset to sleep. I remember drunkenly coming on to you, your response “I want to, but I am loyal, I can’t.” I say I don’t remember but I remember how you held me when I cried. I remember every time you grab my hand when no one is looking. I remember that night under the stars; we were both shivering, lips to lips, arguing. But nothing happened that could be officially wrong, we didn’t actually kiss. I remember that night in my bed where you stayed tell 5 a.m. again, you kept saying you had to go and then not moving. You found my special spot, you found my weakness. You asked me if there were no consequences what would I do, the next second my breath is being pulled from my chest as our lips touch. I can still feel your hands gently running up my sides, I can feel it, the passion.

    But we never talk about that night or any other night, we never talk about what we both know is there. Because you have her, because we both know it would go nowhere. But I feel myself falling, it was never supposed to be like this, were supposed to be best friends. We all know you’re not supposed to fall in love with your best friend. But there is just something about you that words can’t describe. And it is getting harder and harder to deny and hide. I want you, but I don’t…

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